PLEASE KINDLY ASSESS MY WRITING TASK 2 - BUY THE SAME ANYWHERE

[hollanda]

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It is true that in this globalized world, people are enabled to purchase products from any countries in the world, which leads to the increasing similarity in many aspects amongst countries. In my opinion, this development has both positive and negative effects.

On the one hand, commercial globalization offers people a number of benefits. The most noticeable one is the availability of international products in every domestic market. This provides domestic customers with many high-quality goods, which improves their living standards. For instance, a range of Apple products, such as Iphone, Ipod and Ipod, are increasingly popular amongst Vietnamese purchasers. These cutting-edge devices are proven to facilitate communication and interaction between residents on a daily basis. In addition, using the same products can also result in a better understanding and appreciation to people from other nations. To give a clear illustration, if I did not have opportunities to buy and use Korean cosmetics, I would never know the secrets behind Korean beauties.

Nevertheless, this trend also brings about various drawbacks. Firstly, as people prefer to use international products, traditional ones might disappear. This can be clearly seen in clothing. For example, the majority of youngsters in Vietnam are obsessing with Japanese and Korean closes and fashion styles, they are no longer wearing traditional closes. Furthermore, traditional products represent national identity, which characterizes it from others. Therefore, if local residents greatly opted to exported products and neglected traditional ones, the cultural diversity, traditions and customs might deteriorate.

In conclusion, although people’s lives can be improved when they are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world, it seems to me that the outcomes of this development are not always positive as for the aforementioned reasons.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

First main paragraph - Good but I don't think that the last sentence is true, given the availability of information on the internet.

Second main paragraph - Unfortunately for you, I live in Vietnam, so I'm afraid your example is wrong. Most young Vietnamese seem to wear t-shirts and shorts and I see young people wearing ao dai every day, though not many people, I admit.

Overall, I agree with your points, but the problem is that you have decided to use 'extreme' language rather than using modals and adverbs of degree. This reduces the range of language and makes arguments unclear/untrue.

All the best,
David

[hollanda]

Hi David,

Thank you for your comments.

Admittedly, I got struck on giving examples, so I chose with out much thinking and because I cannot think of anything else. But do you think examples need to be really objective? Can it be my personal opinion?

Actually, for this topic now I realize that I misunderstood when I first wrote it. The topic means that people can buy certain products anywhere, not just in the place they are produced. But initially, I thought the topic meant people can buy any overseas products in their home country. Am I right?

Regards,