Task 1 - feedback. please check it and comment it. thanks

[rairaichan0115]

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public.

Write a letter to the company. In your letter

 Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team
 Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts
 Say how you think the company should spend the money


Dear Sir,

I am glad to learn that you are planning to sponsor either a domestic children’s sports team or fully pay for two open-air concerts. I would like to give some of my opinions regarding the advantages of both ideas.

On the one hand, the profits of supporting the local sports team would be able to offer our offspring to have a chance to join the professional sports team. As the local community have much financial supporting, they could develop different experiences with well facilities and sport’s tutors for our juveniles, it is able to cultivate children to develop their potential of sports.

On the other hand, if you are paid for the two open-air concerts then a lot of people can enjoy and share this sponsorship. It also can promote our city to our visitors through the concerts. Thus, it may bring economic prosperity to our society.

In my point of view, I prefer your organization to spend the money to sponsor our children’s sports team. It is because it can foster our children to develop healthy activities with good training. I hope you can take my feedback into a serious consideration.

Yours faithfully,

Jenny

[Mark IELTS]

Hello!

This is a very good letter. All points are covered and you have done the right thing at the end by saying WHY you support one over the other. Vocabulary and grammar are very good with relatively few and minor errors. The letter can be understood very easily.

Well done!
Mark (a.k.a. David)