Task 2- allowing children to make own choices- pls give comment and grade it. thank you

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rairaichan0115
Posts: 69
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:18 am

Task 2- allowing children to make own choices- pls give comment and grade it. thank you

Post by rairaichan0115 »

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Learning how to make decisions is very important for all people. We may learn it since we were adolescents. While some people would argue that allowing juveniles decide everything then they may become only consider their own wishes, many would contend that it is significant for offspring to make decisions regarding matters that affect them. Both sides of the argument will be analyzed before a reasonable conclusion is drawn.

On the one hand, some people are of opinion that we should not let children decide all the things they wish otherwise it will cultivate them to only think themselves. For instance, it is a quite common issue in China when they implemented the one-child system. Some of the parents would like to satisfy their only son or daughter’s wishes, therefore, they will let their children make all the decisions. Thus, they only concentrate on themselves. As this shows, it is understandable why people gravitate toward this point of view.

However, on the other sides of this argument, many support the notion that it is essential for children to make their own decisions which will influence them. To illustrate, when I was a child my mother let me decide everything but I have to take all the responsibilities even the result is undesirable. Consequently, my past experiences make me be responsible along with considerable person. I will think carefully prior to making any decisions. After analyzing this fact, it is certainly clear why many have faith this claim.

In conclusion, after analyzing both sides of the argument regarding should or should not let our children make decisions have strongly supported. However, I contend that we should encourage our young children to make their decisions in order to cultivate their sense of obligation.
Mark IELTS
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:50 am

Re: Task 2- allowing children to make own choices- pls give comment and grade it. thank you

Post by Mark IELTS »

Hello!

Again, quite a long introduction. The last sentence can be deleted.

The two main paragraphs contradict each other. This is mainly due to the 'absolute' language used (will, everything, only).

The conclusion does not say why or how you have reached this conclusion.

Overall, a weak essay. There is a limited range of expression (grammar and vocabulary) and the introduction is almost as long as the main paragraphs. As mentioned, the conclusion gives no indication of why you hold that opinion.

All the best,
Mark
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