It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to

[kongu.suresh]

Topic
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
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It is important for children to distinguish between right and wrong in young age. Some would argue that punishment is essential for the kids to learn from the mistake. It is agreed that punishment is necessary for the kids to change the behaviour and learn from their error. This essay will first discuss that parents and teachers should monitor incessantly and correct them, and then discuss that punishment should not be physical or emotional, followed by a logical conclusion.

Children are most vulnerable to get affected by surrounding and digital media. It is often getting painful for the parents and teachers to observe what they watch on the internet or smart devices. Hence it is mandatory for the parents and teacher to teach the dangerous of online activity and how to conduct themselves properly. It is often the case that children may hesitate to discuss their problem with their parents or teachers.Therefore, it is imperative to block inimical sites from their view which has a possibility of exploiting the kids. For example, as per survey from Oxford University government had seen 80% drop in online exploitation after the introduction of "social behaviour cases".

Despite this, many children continue their wrong deeds, so punishment is inevitable to correct them. When parents and teacher try to discipline their kids, they should be very conscious that they do not affect them mentally. Many parents support the corporal punishments which may affect young people mentally and physically and starts developing an aversion. Instead, they can speak with them first and try to make them understand the consequences of their action. For example, as per the Indian government recent survey, the pupils who go through the physical assault in young age has a more chance of getting arrogant when they grow up. Therefore, the government had passed a law to cease the physical punishment in schools.

In conclusion, it is crucial for the children to learn about right and wrong at a young age. Although punishment is needed to correct them, parents should be vigilant about the impact of the external surroundings and correct without affecting them mentally.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - "It is agreed ..." Who by?

First main paragraph - This is so general that it makes no sense. What are 'social behaviour cases'? Oxford university government does not exist. You seem to be suggesting that online activity is the only reason for bad behaviour, which I think would be easy to prove untrue.

Second main paragraph - A quick check reveals that the information you have provided is wrong. Actually, the kids do not grow up to be arrogant and physical punishment, though banned by the federal government, is still allowed by states.

Conclusion - If the punishment has no mental effect then the children will simply behave as before!The purpose of the punishment should be to change their minds!

Overall, the arguments are very weak. I mean, you haven't provided any real evidence. Grammar and vocabulary appear good, but are not used to create a cohesive argument.

All the best,
David

[saqibali]

The English and grammar are quite good. However, you need to be on topic.

I would suggest you to check Ryan writing book and practice few essays with him.

If you can not access this book, then write the main topic many times and brainstorm and plan your essay.
Plan each and every paragraph of your essay. Write few key sentences on your paper. Then start writing essay. After each few lines, again look at the topic to ensure you are on track.