please assess my writing

[tamersaad135]

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want.
To what extend should children have to follow rules.

Childhood has been always a significant period for rising up people, which is playing the role of building the character and shaping the attitude of the people. In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior to be followed, this rules are very important for building and shaping the personality, which teaching the children the responsibility and independency. This essay will present how those rules are important.

To begin with, following very strict rules of behaviors with the children will be always reflected on their personality, which allow the children to understand the rights of other people and their rights as well. For example, in the school, the children are all requested to wear the same uniform, this makes children feel equal and united and teach them the responsibility trend each other. This example is clearly shows how strict rules can directly affect the personality on the children and so their future attitude.

Moreover, the strict rules play an important role for building the dependency of the children, this can be shown in the rule of sleeping children on their own bed and in their own room. Admittedly, this allow children to learn how to be independently, how to build their own personality and give them a space to think freely and to be creative. This is another example proving that strict rules of behavior are necessary for building up the children personality.

In conclusion, by applying strict rules of behavior with our children will always reflected as positive on their personality. Our children are gifts from God to us and they will be part of our countries’ community, by growing up them correctly is simply developing our future. Thus, it is always recommended to apply strict rules of behavior with our children.

[tamersaad135]

please correct my mistakes..

[chinoy190]

This essay will present how those rules are important. please do not include this it will grossly affect your score

[tamersaad135]

Thank you for your advice. but I saw the same way mentioned in many essays..
could you please explain to me more..

[alhejaj]

You have to state your opinions (its an essay about your opinion) to what extend (do you agree or disagree) should children have to follow rules. Not the effect of follow these roles! Overall the essay is well-structured and you used good vocabularies but you didn't meet the question requirements!

[tamersaad135]

Thanks..

in your opinion, at which band am I standing?