please rate my task 2 academic writing essay

[nuttykat2013]

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world.

What are your opinions on this?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

my answer:

Playing games is an essential part of a child's growth. Through it, children would be able to discover important values which they could potentially use to benefit their development or ideas in the future. As computer gaming were introduced, some of the games are not suited for children as it contains violent scenes. However, plenty of kids have easy access to those violent games. Sadly enough, most of the time the children playing those games are not supervised by an adult.

There is a growing concern that the rise of violence and crimes in bigger cities worldwide could be linked to children's exposure and participation of violent games. There is a possibility to this theory. However, playing rough games could not be hold solely accountable for the increase of crimes. There are other factors also needed to be considered why there are more fightings and killings in those cities.

In this issue, it is important to take into account that the desire for power, greed for wealth, easy access to guns or weapons, poverty, dysfunctional family background, childhood history of violence, peer pressure, lack of support from family or society, and psychological illness could be the trigger of rising violence and crimes in the city.

As children are not mentally fit to distinguish the bad effects of playing games like war or killings, the cities' governments should impose a strict regulation in controlling or eliminating those games to be sold to minors or to be easily accessed from the Internet. The chances of children's exposure to those kind of games can be avoidable if adults, family, and the society would work together preventing children to get their hands on it.

Overall, there is a big probability that the theory could be or become true. But there is also a bigger chance of preventing it to become positive if everybody would take active participation from letting it happen.