Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach their children not to hit back at bullies.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
It is true that violence in school playgrounds has become more common. There are two different parental approaches to deal with this issue: one is to teach children not to fight back but some insist it will only encourage further bullying.
According to the proponents of the second view, children who do not stand up for themselves will continue to be an easy target for bullies. Trying not to promote violence, they maintain that the most effective way to deter bullying is to fight against it. Moreover, learning to defend themselves can help children overcome their phobias. For example, knowing one can fight might reduce the sense of inferiority, thus helping them gain higher self-esteem, a valuable train for an adult. In other words, this tough experience gained in childhood can teach them to be resourceful than relying on an outside help.
On the other hand, teaching children to hit back at bullies can really backfire. For one thing, it can negatively impact on their behaviour at home in the sense that they might feel comfortable using physical abuse towards their siblings as well. Secondly, responding to violence in the same way instead of coming to compromise can lead to the development of the same aggressive behaviour which will pass on to adulthood. As we live in the civilized society, the world will be a better place if more people learn to negotiate than fight.
Although learning to fight against school bullies can bring a number of psychological benefits, I feel that teaching children to be pacifist can play an important role in reshaping the whole society.
Task 2 Discussion essay. Please evaluate!
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IELTSUzbInstructor
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David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Task 2 Discussion essay. Please evaluate!
Hello!
The main problem is that you haven't explained how you arrived at your conclusion. In the main paragraphs, ideas are not clearly developed. For instance, you don't say how pacifist behaviour will solve the problem of bullying.
Vocabulary appears good, but is not used effectively. Grammar is very good in terms of both range and accuracy. (Those kinds of essays always make me suspicious as they are very rare in the real exam.)
All the best,
David
The main problem is that you haven't explained how you arrived at your conclusion. In the main paragraphs, ideas are not clearly developed. For instance, you don't say how pacifist behaviour will solve the problem of bullying.
Vocabulary appears good, but is not used effectively. Grammar is very good in terms of both range and accuracy. (Those kinds of essays always make me suspicious as they are very rare in the real exam.)
All the best,
David
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IELTSUzbInstructor
- Posts: 25
- Joined: Sat May 16, 2015 7:58 pm
Re: Task 2 Discussion essay. Please evaluate!
Thank you once again!David.IELTS.Examiner wrote:Hello!
The main problem is that you haven't explained how you arrived at your conclusion. In the main paragraphs, ideas are not clearly developed. For instance, you don't say how pacifist behaviour will solve the problem of bullying.
Vocabulary appears good, but is not used effectively. Grammar is very good in terms of both range and accuracy. (Those kinds of essays always make me suspicious as they are very rare in the real exam.)
All the best,
David
You are right about the real exam thing, I am much better at writing essays (mostly typing) at home than having to produce a decent essay in the exam. Any advice on how to go about it? My writing got stuck at band 7 twice and now I am trying to get rid of learned/fixed phrases and use only my own words throughout the essay.