Please assess my writing. Thank you all

[cloud15]

*) Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this is would have litter effect on the public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these and give your opinion.

Public health is one of the main problems for Governments across the world. Because it can revel to what extended their politics have been accurately applied. Thus, there are different opinions about how to get better public health. Some believe that a deployment of physical activities is the solution, and some refute that assuming that is necessary more than one solution. These points of view will be discussed in this order.

It is generally believe that sport facilities are the correct way to keep health people. An idea to support this is the implementation of enjoyable free activities where the public can meet with friends and family. This is seem particularly in countries like Australia, where international sport branch such as, Gatorade and Redbull have taken part as sponsorship in really crowed events. Even though, theses sort of public running events and outside community gyms are not always suitable for disability people, elderly or people with short leisure time, it is a fashionable way to keep healthy. Thus, it is clearly some people gravitate towards this point of view.

Despite the fact that physical activities have a massive impact, there are others that feel is necessary more effective options to confront this issue. For example, according to WHO (World Health Organization) in 2013 report affirm that those countries that showed improvements on their public health quality and life expectancy implemented variety of publicity campaigns on TV and radio to aware their people about terrible diseases caused by sedentary lifestyle, alcohol, smoke cigarettes, etc. These kind of outcomes result more efficient because can touch the subconscious of the people in each home of the country. After analysing these facts, it is clear why many support this claim.

For reasons related to convenience and influential level on the population, is agreed that sport facilities in spite of be important, it is not the only way to improve public health. Populations are not the same in every country, thus, Governments should know their own in order to apply the correct strategy.

[cloud15]

*) Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this is would have litter effect on the public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these and give your opinion.

Public health is one of the main problems for Governments across the world. Because it can revel to what extended their politics have been accurately applied. Thus, there are different opinions about how to get better public health. Some believe that a deployment of physical activities is the solution, and some refute that assuming that is necessary more than one solution. These points of view will be discussed in this order.

It is generally believe that sport facilities are the correct way to keep health people. An idea to support this is the implementation of enjoyable free activities where the public can meet with friends and family. This is seem particularly in countries like Australia, where international sport branch such as, Gatorade and Redbull have taken part as sponsorship in really crowed events. Even though, theses sort of public running events and outside community gyms are not always suitable for disability people, elderly or people with short leisure time, it is a fashionable way to keep healthy. Thus, it is clearly some people gravitate towards this point of view.

Despite the fact that physical activities have a massive impact, there are others that feel is necessary more effective options to confront this issue. For example, according to WHO (World Health Organization) in 2013 report affirm that those countries that showed improvements on their public health quality and life expectancy implemented variety of publicity campaigns on TV and radio to aware their people about terrible diseases caused by sedentary lifestyle, alcohol, smoke cigarettes, etc. These kind of outcomes result more efficient because can touch the subconscious of the people in each home of the country. After analysing these facts, it is clear why many support this claim.

For reasons related to convenience and influential level on the population, is agreed that sport facilities in spite of be important, it is not the only way to improve public health. Populations are not the same in every country, thus, Governments should know their own in order to apply the correct strategy.

[den_sameh]

problem= obstacle= challenge

Because it can revel to what extended their politics have been accurately applied
reveal , to what extent

solution = key = remedy = answer


some refute that assuming that is necessary more than one solution
refuse
the structure of the sentence is not very good

It is generally believe
believed


sport facilities are the correct way to keep health people

repeated

This is seem
seen

theses sort of public running events and outside community gyms
the structure is weak


report affirm
what is the p.p of affirm i am not sure if we can + ed or not

These kind of outcomes result more efficient
the structure again !!


Governments should know their own
own ...... desires ..... needs

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

good job but i think u need to concentrate on the structure of sentences

[cloud15]

Thank you den_sameh

[Johnson zhang]

*) Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this is would have litter effect on the public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these and give your opinion.

Public health is one of the main problems for Governments across the world. Because it can revel to what extended their politics have been accurately applied.what? Thus, there are different opinions about how to get better public health. Some believe that a deployment of physical activities is the solution, and some refute that assuming that is necessary more than one solution. These points of view will be discussed in this order.
I am not sure you paraphrased the question well. I believe examiners want to see questions reflected in your intro (not re-created into a deviated version of them. for example, a modern view on improving public health is that a larger number of sport facilities mean better chance at tackling problems such as obesity. However, this view is not shared by all and those who oppose think better strategies are needed.

It is generally believe that sport facilities are the correct way to keep health people. sport facilities (buildings) are the way to do something ? do you mean people who go to such a facility tend to be reasonably healthy so more memberships at such places mean more people are likely to be healthy. Thus, it may be a good idea to build more of these facilities to create an environment that is conducive to active lifestyles. I think you should explain your ideas clearer.
An idea to support this is the implementation of enjoyable free activities where the public can meet with friends and family. This is seem particularly in countries like Australia, where international sport branch such as, Gatorade and Redbull have taken part as sponsorship in really crowed events. Even though, theses sort of public running events and outside community gyms are not always suitable for disability people, elderly or people with short leisure time, it is a fashionable way to keep healthy. Thus, it is clearly some people gravitate towards this point of view.


Despite the fact that physical activities have a massive impact, there are others that feel is necessary more effective options to confront this issue.I would definitely mention or restate that there are people who think this strategy mentioned above would have little effect on health issues (as it was said in the question). I think this bit is important because you need to back up such thinking even if you don't agree it (in this discussion essay)
For example, according to WHO (World Health Organization) in 2013 report affirm that those countries that showed improvements on their public health quality and life expectancy implemented variety of publicity campaigns on TV and radio to aware their people about terrible diseases caused by sedentary lifestyle, alcohol, smoke cigarettes, etc. These kind of outcomes result more efficient because can touch the subconscious of the people in each home of the country. After analysing these facts, it is clear why many support this claim.

For reasons related to convenience and influential level on the population, is agreed that sport facilities in spite of be important, it is not the only way to improve public health. Populations are not the same in every country, thus, Governments should know their own in order to apply the correct strategy.

do you proofread ? i can see many many mistakes such as missing subjects....