Writing task 2 - Health and Fitness

[Ecro]

It is generally believed that the average weight of people is going up, while the fitness and health are going down. Some think that the way to solve that problem is to make people aware of their obesity. Others, however, think that they should motivate them to change their lives completely.

On the one hand, telling the obese people about their problem might help some of them, because they weren't aware of it. Although, most obese people know about it, and don't take any action. Change would have to come from the inside, because we live in a digital world where people are more worried about their virtual presence than real presence, consequently they wouldn't put the effort into actually having a healthier lifestyles. Also, children mimic what their parents do, therefore if the parents aren't showing their kids what to do, more and more children will have low fitness levels.

On the other hand, motivating people to make the change and want to have a healthier lifestyle would have much bigger impact on the health and fitness levels in general. When the desire for advancement comes from the inside, it'll be much easier for people to be healthier, because the government wouldn't have to educate them, as they would be actively searching for ways to be healthier. This whole process is contagious and people would love to tell other people about their findings, therefore spreading around the neighbourhood, city or even the whole country!
Moreover, the children would be motivated to be fitter, and the health and fitness levels would rise again. We could motivate them by showing them how fun it is to play a game of football or tennis, or whatever is available in the neighbourhood. People are social creatures, and when the obese people see that others are playing something fun, they would like to join in, too!

To summarize, the root of this issue is that we live in a digital world where most people are attached to their chairs or sofas, and wouldn't want to part with them. That's why making people aware of their obesity problems will not make obesity levels decrease. We would have to use something more powerful than that to change the way they think about it. That's why I firmly believe that motivating them to change their lives themselves would have bigger impact.

Thank you for reading my Writing task 2.

Have a great day,
Ecro

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Are people really more worried about their digital presence than their real presence?

Overall, this seems like a reasonable essay, but it does miss out one important fact - that nowadays health and fitness are all around most of us - advertising, for example. The fact that virtually everyone doing IELTS constantly harps on about it makes it seem to me that awareness is not an issue.

You run into this problem yourself when you say "People are social creatures, and when the obese people see that others are playing something fun, they would like to join in, too!"

Anyway, vocabulary and grammar are good overall.

All the best,
David

[Ecro]

Hello David,

Thank you for reviewing my writing task!

Have a great day,
Ecro

Hello!

Are people really more worried about their digital presence than their real presence?

Overall, this seems like a reasonable essay, but it does miss out one important fact - that nowadays health and fitness are all around most of us - advertising, for example. The fact that virtually everyone doing IELTS constantly harps on about it makes it seem to me that awareness is not an issue.

You run into this problem yourself when you say "People are social creatures, and when the obese people see that others are playing something fun, they would like to join in, too!"

Anyway, vocabulary and grammar are good overall.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

It is generally believed that the average weight of people is increasing, while fitness and health is decreasing. Some think that the way to solve this problem is to make people aware of their obesity. Others, however, think that they should motivate them to change their lives completely.

On the one hand, educating obese people about their problem might help some of them, because they weren't aware of it. However, most obese people know they aren't healthy, but don't take any action. Change would have to come from the inside, because we live in a digital world where people are more worried about their virtual presence than real presence. Consequently, they don't put the effort into actually having healthier lifestyles. Also, children mimic what their parents do, therefore if the parents aren't showing their kids how to be active and healthy, more and more children will have low fitness levels.

On the other hand, motivating people to make the change and want to have a healthier lifestyle would have a much bigger impact on health and fitness levels in general. When the desire for improvement comes from the inside, it is much easier for people to be healthier, as they are actively searching for ways to be healthier. This whole process is contagious and people love to tell other people about their findings, therefore sharing the desire to be healthier around the whole neigbourhood, city or even the whole country!

Moreover, children would be motivated to be fitter, and the health and fitness levels would rise again. We could motivate children and overweight people by showing them how fun it is to play a game of football or tennis, or whatever is available in the neighbourhood. People are social creatures, and when obese people see that others are playing something fun, they would like to join in, too!

To summarize, the root of this issue is that we live in a digital world where most people are attached to their chairs or sofas, and don't want to part with them. That's why making people aware of their obesity problems will not make obesity levels decrease. We have to use something more powerful than that to change the way they think about health and fitness. That's why I firmly believe that motivating them to change their lives themselves would have a bigger impact.