please asses my essay

[Max maximus]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Other, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Today, it is debatable wether parents or primary educational fields are the optimal way to teach young generation how to be important members of the community. Many claim that parent should teach social learnings to their children whereas other consider that the school is the place to get these learnings. In this essay both sides will be analyzed before a conclusion is found.

One can give several reasons to support the viewpoint that parent are the only one from whom youngesters can learn effectively how to be good members of their society. It is clear that most parents tend to understand the feeling of their children and the multitude of young people are likely to do what their parents recommend. For instance, many of older generations in Uzbekistan used to regard their mother and fathers as predominant individuals who could explain them to be good members in the future and they followed the footsteps of their parents. Consequenly, now there are many essential people in my country. As example shows the benefits of learning from parents , the increased rate of significant people in the community could be apparent.

On the other hand, some human being claim that educational fields such as the schools can create a number of opportunities for youngesters to learn how to be good members of their community. There is no doubt that the school is the place where accumulates various pupils with several conducts. The children could learn social skills  as well as other subjects  on condition that they devote their time on integrating and exchanging ideas with their peers.

Moreover, it is undoubtedly true that  not everybody has identical character and outlook. Providing that young generation learn form their parent how to be important people in the society, thay may deal with some difficulties to interact with other people and help them how to solve the problems of them by utilizing their lifelong expriences. In these circumstances, the school curriculum is the optional way for children to not only be good members of the society but also build their lives privately without assist of parents.

To recapitulate, taking every point of view into account, I think that the school is the best place where kids are able to learn how to be good members of their community.

[sebastian]

Hi!

Nice text, your ideas are clear and you're good at supporting the reasons why you think the way you do. On the other hand, it's a bit long (400+ words). While going over the word limit is not penalised (as far as I know), 400 seems like way too much IMO.

Anyway, time for some nitpicks:

Today, it is debatable wether parents or primary educational fields

Spelling and wrong word choice, respectively.

Many claim that parent should teach social learnings to their children whereas other consider that the school is the place to get these learnings.

Wrong form on 'parent' (it's either 'a parent' or 'parents'). I'm not convinced about the use of 'learnings' there... I mean, the word does exist but it looks quite odd there.

In this essay both sides will be analyzed before a conclusion is found.

I'd disagree with the use of that term as well, on the grounds of collocation: you usually 'reach' conclusions, you don't 'find' them.

that parent are the only one from whom youngesters

Singular vs plural.

Consequenly, now there are many essential people in my country.

What do you mean by that? It's grammatically correct but the meaning's unclear to me.

As example shows the benefits of learning from parents

Replace 'as' with 'that' and you'll convey meaning much better.

On the other hand, some human being claim that

Singular vs plural.

for youngesters to learn how to be good members

Spelling.

of their community. There is no doubt that the school is the place where accumulates various pupils with several conducts.

Either '... the place that accumulates ...' or '... the place where various pupils with several conducts are accumulated.'

The children could learn...

Works better without the article for this case.

Providing that young generation learn form their parent how to be important people in the society

Those two should be plural.

help them how to solve the problems of them

Possibe L1 transfer, I reckon. Suggested rewording: 'help them to solve their problems.'

build their lives privately without assist of parents.

Wrong form. It should be 'assistance', or at least it'd sound way more natural that way IMO.