Please kindly assess my writing task 2 - I am targeting for Band 7.THANKS

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jayani
Posts: 17
Joined: Thu Mar 05, 2015 6:41 pm

Please kindly assess my writing task 2 - I am targeting for Band 7.THANKS

Post by jayani »

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence.


Recent years, people often believe that being employed in a single career may not harness their capabilities. So the notion of multi career culture is emerging .Similarly further education is viewed as a life time requirement. In this essay I will critically seek to analyze the key reasons get employed in several jobs and the significance of further education to this matter.

On the one hand, proliferation of technology and business is a major influencing factor for people to involve with continuous life time education. For instance, employers need to ensure that their employees are in line with sophisticated technologies such as ERP systems /SAP/MACROS ,which ultimately mould abilities to adopt to various occupations in any company.Likewise , they can compete aggressively in job market by assimilating such studies in a timely manner.Furthermore This may support any individual to be more flexible and engage in any business environment.

On the other hand, nowadays with the effect of modern lifestyles people are searching into various money generating industries and occupations. For instance part time/online jobs as well as working from home. It is clear that with the reinforcement of knowledge gathered from further education, employment under several organizations is more convenient. It is a highly favored solution by most of the young graduates. This may harness their multi tasking abilities in a more valuable way. Likewise the trend of multi career is often interconnected with further education.

In conclusion, when analyzing the new trend of multi-career and further education, it is evident that with the influence of various financial needs people adopt to engage in several occupations and perpetuation of further education. However, hence this phenomenon is more of a material aspiration focused, each individual has their own responsibility to diligently identify this new trend .Furthermore it is worth to point out that following a new trend is not the best option, for some circumstances the best option is unique to each individual.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please kindly assess my writing task 2 - I am targeting for Band 7.THANKS

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

First main paragraph - I have no idea what ERP, SAP and MACROS are and why office cleaners need them. I have done perfectly well in my profession without them and I suspect that hundreds of millions of other people have also managed without them quite nicely.

Second main paragraph - I have no idea what you mean.

Conclusion - People don't only work for money, though I agree it's usually a key factor.

Overall, if I can't understand what you have written, you're not getting a good score.

All the best,
David
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