hi please check my task 2 essay.

[new.learner]

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children.
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Historically, physical punishments were commonly used by parents and teachers for the behaviour and character building of a child. It can be seen clearly as our ancestors used to be more wise, well disciplined and more sophisticated then us. It is agreed that it is important for a child to learn between right and wrong at an early age and punishment is one main avenue for their leaning. Reasons of this statement will be examined prior analyzing type of possible punishemnts which could be use by parents and teachers to teach good behaviour to children.

Opinions regarding reasons for teaching pupils right and wrong from the very beginning is that basic behavioural developments starts at early age. At this very initial stage, a child starts scrutinizing between different paths, observing his surrounding environment and choosing right one from his own understanding. Meddling with their thoughts at this stage and teaching them with difference between right and wrong will fortify their good behaviour develpoment. Moreover, punishing and rewarding mechanism for charater building of a child is suggested by many psychiatrist these days. It is difficult for a child to pick himself between right and wrong and parents can use these two keys to assist their kids.

However, what type of punishment should be allowed to use by parents and teachers to teach good behaviour to children is still a debatable topic. it is agreed that physical punishment is illegal and should not be tried in any condition as child abuse is a crime.
Actions like hiding their favourate game for sometime or rewarding with their favouraite food or toy could be applied. For instance, my elder sister use to allow her kids to watch TV only after when they had done their studies, this behaviour was incubated in them and today they first complete their daily study and then watch TV at night as habitual. So, use of this type of actionable punishments and rewarding techniques embodies this idea perfectly. It acts as a catalyst for good behaviour development of a kid.

Above look reveals clearly about reasons why child should be taught difference between good and bad from its early age and type of punishments which can be applied for their character building. These actionable steps are precursor for the better future of our young generation . It is hoped that these strategies are increasingly put into practice in foreseeable future.

[Flick]

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Historically, physical punishments were commonly used by parents and teachers for the behaviour and character building of a child. It can be seen clearly as our ancestors used to be more wise, well disciplined and more sophisticated than us.(<--Can you explain this sentence? What evidence is there that our ancestors were more sophisticated than us?) It is agreed that it is important for a child to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age and punishment is one avenue for their leaning. Reasons of this statement will be examined prior to analyzing types of possible punishments which could be used by parents and teachers to teach good behaviour to children.

Opinions regarding reasons for teaching pupils right and wrong from the very beginning is that basic behavioural development starts at an early age. At this very initial stage, a child starts scrutinizing different paths, observing his surrounding environment and choosing from his own understanding. Meddling(<--This word is negative. It means interfering.) with their thoughts at this stage and teaching them the difference between right and wrong will fortify their good behaviour development. Moreover, punishing and rewarding a child in order to build character is suggested by many psychiatrists these days. It is difficult for a child to distinguish between right and wrong, and parents can use these two keys to assist their kids.

However, what type of punishment should be allowable by parents and teachers to teach good behaviour to children is still a debatable topic. It is agreed that physical punishment is illegal and should not be tried in any condition as child abuse is a crime.
Actions like hiding their favourite game for some time or rewarding them with their favourite food or toy could be applied. For instance, my elder sister use to allow her kids to watch TV only after they had done their studies. This behaviour was incubated in them and today they first complete their daily study and then watch TV at night as habitual. So, use of this type of actionable punishment and rewarding technique embodies this idea perfectly. It acts as a catalyst for the development of good behaviour.

The points above clearly explain why children should be taught the difference between good and bad from anearly age, and the type of punishment which can be applied for their character building. These actionable steps are a precursor for the better future of our young generation. It is hoped that these strategies are increasingly put into practice in the foreseeable future.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!
Generally, I think that this essay is quite good. Try to avoid the use of 'strange' phrasing, such as when you put higher level vocabulary together, e.g. the last sentence of the introduction. Sometimes, long sentences become muddled, e.g. that same sentence or the first sentence of the first main paragraph. This can confuse the reader.

Less important points regarding your arguments ...
1. The idea of punishment and reward is not new (re 'is suggested by many psychiatrist these days). Recheck the first two sentences of your introduction where you actually point this out.
2. Many studies have shown that children actually have a pretty good idea of right and wrong. This idea that kids are some kind of 'blank slate' has been discredited. The second and last sentences of the first main paragraph (almost) contradict each other.
3. "It is agreed that physical punishment is illegal". Not in most countries. "and should not be tried in any condition". The vast majority of parents I have met would disagree. "as child abuse is a crime". Yes, but not everyone thinks giving their child a little slap is "child abuse". Besides, I would argue that "child abuse" is not only a physical manifestation and that psychological abuse of children can be as bad or worse than physical abuse.
I'm probably much older than you and when I was a kid minor physical punishments were the norm. My friends and I all grew up without any real problems. There is quite a lot of evidence that the trend towards less/no physical punishment is the wrong way forward.

All the best,
David

[new.learner]

Thanks for your response.. it is really helpful