please assess my acadmic writing tas 2 aiming for band 7

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chinoy190
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Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2015 12:55 am

please assess my acadmic writing tas 2 aiming for band 7

Post by chinoy190 »

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Nowadays, youngsters are engaging in delinquent activities, which cause pressure in the society. It can be ascribed to the lack of parental supervision and the negative influences of peers. However, this social problem can be tackled by the employers and parents.
Primarily, is it often said that youngsters may opt to negative vices if the parents will not monitor their children’s activities. Evidently, there are parents who have hectic schedule in their workplace, thus neglecting the responsibilities to their children. Because of inadequate guidance, these youngsters socialize with other people in the society. For instance, in school, children develop relationship with their friends as it is considered their second home. A group of friends shares the same habits and passions such as venturing to illegal substances and criminal behaviors. It might be their way to retaliate to their parents, who do not spend time with them. These children may feel resentment due to the fact that they might have the feeling of being unloved and unwanted. Therefore, they will perform nefarious actions such that they will gain the attention of their parents, and make them regret for being preoccupied to their employment.
However, it can never be denied that this social dilemma can be addressed by the parents and the employers. First of all, parents can give more attention to their children by have a weekly family outing to different places. For example, they could eat together in a luxurious restaurant or watch a movie in order to regain the aloof relationship. These parents can show to their children that they are important despite of their busy schedule. Secondly, employers can curtail the employment hours of those employees who have children. As a result, these workers can spend more time to their children.
To conclude, there is an escalation of crimes brought by youngsters, who have lack of supervision from their parents. Nevertheless, it is apparent that managers can help those employees, who have children, to allocate more time to their family. It is very likely that frequent family bonding can eradicate the negative behaviors of their children.
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Flick
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Re: please assess my acadmic writing tas 2 aiming for band 7

Post by Flick »

chinoy190 wrote:The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Nowadays, youngsters are engaging in delinquent activities, which cause pressure in the society. It can be ascribed to the lack of parental supervision and the negative influences of peers. However, this social problem can be tackled by employers and parents.

Primarily, is it often said that youngsters may opt for negative behaviors if the parents will not monitor their children’s activities. Evidently, there are parents who have hectic schedules in their workplace, thus neglecting their responsibilities towards their children. Because of inadequate guidance, these youngsters socialize with other people in the society. For instance, in school, children develop relationship with their friends as it is considered their second home. A group of friends shares the same habits and passions, such as taking illegal substances and enacting criminal behaviors. It might be their way to retaliate againstntheir parents, who do not spend time with them. These children may feel resentment due to the fact that they believe they are unloved and unwanted. Therefore, they will perform nefarious actions such that they will gain the attention of their parents, and make them regret being preoccupied with their employment.

However, this social dilemma can be addressed by the parents and employers. First of all, parents can give more attention to their children by having a weekly family outing to different places. For example, they could eat together in a luxurious restaurant or watch a movie in order to rebuild the relationship. These parents can show their children that they are important despite their busy schedule. Secondly, employers can decrease the working hours of those employees who have children. As a result, these workers can spend more time with their children.

To conclude, there is an escalation of crimes committed by youngsters, who have a lack of supervision from their parents. Nevertheless, it is apparent that managers can help those employees who have children to allocate more time to their family. It is very likely that frequent family bonding can eradicate the negative behaviors of their children.
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