Check my Writing please.

[marin1018]

Hello!
I would like to ask somebody to check my Essay and give me some advice and recommendation. What band is it deserve this ? Thank you in advance.

Topic: Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree ?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days life without computers its impossible.Perhaps soon even people will be replaced by computers. Moreover everything its depending on a computers. As a result many children are addicted to computers. In this essay I will give my own opinion of how much useful or not are computers for children.

Although useful computers have a lot negative effects especially on children. For instance most of the children are using it to playing games or watching video. Mostly games are created to show violence, fights or hurting somebody, as a result this might gain on children wrong understanding for the real life. They might become very aggressive which might cause argue between each other in future. Moreover video webpage such as YouTube contains some not censored clips.In may circumstance children are affected from that.

On the other hand if we do not give them enough access to computer this might cause them a lot problem in the future. Nowadays the first requirement to start any job is to have at least basic computer skills. Many employers prefer to hire people whom have high level skills on computer software. As well as that using computers its essential not only for work but also for communication , dating and so on.

In my opinion computers are vital part of my life. From my experience I might share, if I was not enough educated on computers while my childhood probably I will never see anything different than my house at home. Computers help me to discover a lot opportunities so far.

In conclusion I agree with the statement. However we should advice our children how to use computers on the proper way.

I believe is not the best one but at least is something. 3 months ago I was worry even to start write. I really need help from some of you guys

I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you again.

Yours Sincerely
Marin Ivanov

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree ?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days life without computers ("is) its impossible. Perhaps soon even people will be replaced by computers. Moreover everything ("is") its depending on a ("computer") computers. As a result many children are addicted to computers. In this essay I will give my own opinion of how much useful or not are computers for children.

Although useful(",") computers have a lot ("of") negative effects especially on children. For instance most of the children are using ("them to play") it to playing games or ("watch videos") watching video. Mostly games are created to show violence, fights or hurting somebody, ("and") as a result this might gain (no "on") on children wrong understanding for the real life. They might become very aggressive which might cause ("arguments") argue between each other in future. Moreover video ("webpages") webpage such as YouTube ("contain") contains some not censored clips. In ("many") may circumstance children are affected from that.

On the other hand if we do not give them enough access to ("computers") computer this might cause them a lot ("of problems") problem in the future. Nowadays the first requirement to start any job is to have at least basic computer skills. Many employers prefer to hire people whom have high ("levels of") level skills ("in") on computer software. As well as that using computers ("is essential") its essential not only for work but also for communication, dating and so on.

In my opinion computers are ("a") vital part of my life. From my experience I might share, if I was not enough educated ("in") on computers while ("in") my childhood(",") probably I will never see anything different than my house at home. Computers ("have helped") help me to discover a lot ("of") opportunities so far.

In conclusion I agree with the statement. However we should ("advise") advice our children how to use computers ("in") on the proper way.

Maybe 5.5

Hello!
I would like to ask somebody to check my Essay and give me some advice and recommendation. What band is it deserve this ? Thank you in advance.

Topic: Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree ?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days life without computers its impossible.Perhaps soon even people will be replaced by computers. Moreover everything its depending on a computers. As a result many children are addicted to computers. In this essay I will give my own opinion of how much useful or not are computers for children.

Although useful computers have a lot negative effects especially on children. For instance most of the children are using it to playing games or watching video. Mostly games are created to show violence, fights or hurting somebody, as a result this might gain on children wrong understanding for the real life. They might become very aggressive which might cause argue between each other in future. Moreover video webpage such as YouTube contains some not censored clips.In may circumstance children are affected from that.

On the other hand if we do not give them enough access to computer this might cause them a lot problem in the future. Nowadays the first requirement to start any job is to have at least basic computer skills. Many employers prefer to hire people whom have high level skills on computer software. As well as that using computers its essential not only for work but also for communication , dating and so on.

In my opinion computers are vital part of my life. From my experience I might share, if I was not enough educated on computers while my childhood probably I will never see anything different than my house at home. Computers help me to discover a lot opportunities so far.

In conclusion I agree with the statement. However we should advice our children how to use computers on the proper way.

I believe is not the best one but at least is something. 3 months ago I was worry even to start write. I really need help from some of you guys

I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you again.

Yours Sincerely
Marin Ivanov

[marin1018]

Thank you very much for your comments again. It will help me a lot. I would like to ask you why 5.5, I mean is close to 6 or is going less. What do you think? I have exam this Saturday and I need to achieve 6..I hope I will its my 4th time...

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Thank you very much for your comments again. It will help me a lot. I would like to ask you why 5.5, I mean is close to 6 or is going less. What do you think? I have exam this Saturday and I need to achieve 6..I hope I will its my 4th time...

I thought there were quite a lot of grammar errors - also, you repeated words a lot - "computer" was used 11 times for example and was in the essay question also: "http://www.textfixer.com/tools/online-w ... p#newText2" - my grade was just approximate - sometimes I have heard strange results for the exam, so keep trying and you might be surprised with your result.