Essay Task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Yernar999
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Joined: Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:20 pm

Essay Task 2

Post by Yernar999 »

News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported

Nowadays information about any event can appear in news report in a very short time. In order to attract audience, news editors try to choose the topics which will catch the attention of people such as earthquakes in a particular country or an act of terrorism. It is agreed that people may get used to negative news and that it would be better if positive news reports appear. It will be proven by analyzing the negative psychological effects caused by bad news and the influence of good news to depressed people

People can be totally affected by the things which were told to them day by day. The mass media reports about suicides or strikes can drive individuals into stress. For example, most of the people who are watching news reports are very sceptical and pessimistic about current condition of their country. If television programs were aimed to create warm atmosphere in the country the result will be absolutely different. Thus, the bad content of todays news causes stress and depression among people.

Recently results of one research showed imposing changes in persons life. Particular amount of people were asked to eliminate the presence of news reports from their lives and substitude them by positive content of mass media. In the end of the research all participants decided to never watch or read negative news reports. That is why, positive content of the news is advantageous for person's life.

After analyzing drawbacks of news reports which contain shocking or embarrassing facts and advantages of watching positive news reports, one can obviously see that bad news negatively affects person's psychology.
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Ryan
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Re: Essay Task 2

Post by Ryan »

Hi Yernar,

There are several grammatical issues in your writing. Improper plural usage and article usage is apparent. I also see several inaccurate prepositions.

Your use of "it" to link your outline sentence to your thesis is a very common mistake among IELTS students. "It" is too loose a connection for this area. Try "this" or something like "such a position will be proven true by looking at ... ".

Your first supporting paragraph appears to use two topic sentences. Try amalgamating these into one succinct sentence.

The examples you use as evidence are not very specific. If you were to share a more true to life example (perhaps an actual news story or news network or popular media event and the effect it had on a society), you would be providing a solid foundation for argument.

Those are the issues most apparent to me. I think with grammar improvement, you would see a significant jump in the quality and clarity of your writing. As it is written here, I would expect perhaps band 5.5 for this piece.

Good luck!
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