The bar chart illustrates hours spending by teenagers each week engaging in seven activities in Chester from the year 2002 to 2007.
Overall, teenagers put maximum number of hours in watching television and had spent minimum hours in bowling.
From the year 2002 to 2007, we can see steady growth in the hours spending in pubs/discos and watching television by teenagers. The hours increased from above 5 to more than 15 and 25 to above 35 in pubs/discos and watching television, respectively. The symmetrical shape of the bar of watching DVDs shows, teenagers spend a little bit more than 10 hours in the first year and it became 10 in the final year.
It can be inferred from the chart that teenagers had started to spend less hours in doing homework, sport, and bowling. In the first year the hours spend on homework is more than 10 and, in the final year, it became less than 10. Spending time on sports and bowling came down from 10 hours to more than 5 hours and slightly less than 5 hours to far less than 5 hours, respectively.
Please rate my writing task 1 and provide feedback
Please rate my writing task 1 and provide feedback
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goldcoastielts
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Re: Please rate my writing task 1 and provide feedback
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YouTube - Task 2 Academic - "SENTENCE PAIRS" : https://youtu.be/1P2Wo6Y65bA
Thanks for your submission agielts69!! Please see my rewrite below ...
The bar chart illustrates hours SPENT by teenagers each week engaging in seven activities in Chester BETWEEN THE YEARS 2002 AND 2007. Overall, teenagers SPENT FAR MORE HOURS watching television and THAN THEY DID in bowling.
From the year 2002 to 2007, we can see steady growth in the hours SPENT in pubs/discos and watching television by teenagers. The hours increased from above 5 to more than 15 and 25 to above 35 in pubs/discos and watching television (I cannot understand this part at all), respectively. The symmetrical shape of the bar of watching DVDs shows, teenagers spend a little bit more than 10 hours in the first year and it became 10 in the final year.
It can be inferred from the chart that teenagers (delete - 'had') started to spend less hours in doing homework, sport, and bowling. In the first year the hours SPENT on homework is more than 10 and, in the final year, it became less than 10. Spending time on sports and bowling came down from 10 hours to more than 5 hours and slightly less than 5 hours to far less than 5 hours (this is also very difficult to understand), respectively.
Advice:
1. You should use a simple past verb in the first sentence, not an -ing word.
2. You have a lot of problems using the simple past tense. Sometimes you used an -ing word, and sometimes you used the simple present when you should have used a past tense verb.
3. You should combine the first two sentences into one paragraph.
Band-score:
TA: 5.0
G: 5.0
V: 5.0
CC: 5.0
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - Task 2 Academic - "SENTENCE PAIRS" : https://youtu.be/1P2Wo6Y65bA
Thanks for your submission agielts69!! Please see my rewrite below ...
The bar chart illustrates hours SPENT by teenagers each week engaging in seven activities in Chester BETWEEN THE YEARS 2002 AND 2007. Overall, teenagers SPENT FAR MORE HOURS watching television and THAN THEY DID in bowling.
From the year 2002 to 2007, we can see steady growth in the hours SPENT in pubs/discos and watching television by teenagers. The hours increased from above 5 to more than 15 and 25 to above 35 in pubs/discos and watching television (I cannot understand this part at all), respectively. The symmetrical shape of the bar of watching DVDs shows, teenagers spend a little bit more than 10 hours in the first year and it became 10 in the final year.
It can be inferred from the chart that teenagers (delete - 'had') started to spend less hours in doing homework, sport, and bowling. In the first year the hours SPENT on homework is more than 10 and, in the final year, it became less than 10. Spending time on sports and bowling came down from 10 hours to more than 5 hours and slightly less than 5 hours to far less than 5 hours (this is also very difficult to understand), respectively.
Advice:
1. You should use a simple past verb in the first sentence, not an -ing word.
2. You have a lot of problems using the simple past tense. Sometimes you used an -ing word, and sometimes you used the simple present when you should have used a past tense verb.
3. You should combine the first two sentences into one paragraph.
Band-score:
TA: 5.0
G: 5.0
V: 5.0
CC: 5.0
