The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Gross amount of income plays a very important role in a job offer or a career path. Although it is not the only factor taken into consideration, a lot of decisions are made around it. Most of the candidates usually apply for a certain job only after they are sure of the projected income and to say otherwise would be inappropriate. I believe that in today's world where money has become a foundation of literally everything, a considerable amount of thought in career defining decisions is given to it.
Even though It may sound odd but it is a fact that more money equals to a better lifestyle. Our society has quickly developed a liking to the consumerism culture and everyone constantly targets new types of indulgences. To feed this vicious cycle, top priority is given to racking in as much money as you can. In an ideal scenario, people would settle for less, but for now the motto " more is better" is the slogan of this generation.
However, it might be a popular notion but it is certainly not applicable to everyone and some Individuals do consider things such as job satisfaction, ease of work and work to life balance to name a few. Then there is the sort which tends to give work likability over earning and would not sacrifice their time for a few extra dollars.
To conclude, Money has swiftly taken precedence over many other vital things in life. People are willing to sacrifice their time, health and social life to earn a better wage just so they can secure a better future. I completely agree on the immense value of money and how it affects our daily life decisions.
writing task 2 please evaluate
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Re: writing task 2 please evaluate
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Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
Gross (delete 'amount of') income plays a very important role in a job offer or a career path, AND although it is not the only factor taken into consideration, a lot of decisions are made around it. Most of the candidates usually apply for a certain job only after they are sure of the projected income (delete 'and to say otherwise would be inappropriate'). I believe that in today's world where money has become (ONE OF THE)/a foundation(S) of literally everything, a considerable amount of thought (CHANGE 'in career defining decisions is given to it') IS GIVEN TO IT WHEN MAKING CAREER-DEFINING DECISIONS.
B1:
Even though it may sound odd, (delete 'but' and add comma) it is a fact that more money equals (delete 'to') a better lifestyle. Our society has quickly developed a liking FOR (delete 'the') CONSUMER culture and everyone constantly targets new types of indulgences. To feed this vicious cycle, top priority is given to RAKING in as much money as (delete 'you can') POSSIBLE. In an ideal scenario, people would settle for less, but for now the motto " more is better" is the slogan of this generation.
B2:
ON THE OTHER HAND, however, (VERY WORDY: "it might be a popular notion but it is certainly not applicable to everyone and some Individuals do consider things such as") job satisfaction, ease of work and work to life balance to name a few. Then there is the sort PERSON WHO tends to PLACE work likability over earningS and would not sacrifice their time for a few extra dollars.
CONC:
To conclude, money (small 'm') has swiftly taken precedence over many other vital things in life. People are willing to sacrifice their time, health and social life to earn a better wage just so they can secure a better future. I completely agree on (change 'the immense value of money') HOW VALUABALE MONEY HAS BECOME and how it affects our daily life decisions.
I would say the main problem problems with this essay are that your initial and final paragraphs are too long, and your body paragraphs are too short and don't really say anything of value. However, the grammar and vocabulary are of very very high level.
Advice:
1. The first observation is that the introduction looks a little out of place because it is the largest paragraph in the essay. Please try to reduce the size of the introduction (and the conclusion) to around 35-40 words.
2. "consumer culture" not "consumerism culture"
3. A large part of the B2 is simply words that don't really say much at all. It feels like you are showing your grammar skills, without actually saying much of value. Always try to get a solid point across to the audience.
Band-score:
TA: 6.0
G: 7.5
V: 7.5
CC: 7.0
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "TASK 1 GENERAL - LEVELS OF FORMALITY" : https://youtu.be/BsATzBqq03o
Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
Gross (delete 'amount of') income plays a very important role in a job offer or a career path, AND although it is not the only factor taken into consideration, a lot of decisions are made around it. Most of the candidates usually apply for a certain job only after they are sure of the projected income (delete 'and to say otherwise would be inappropriate'). I believe that in today's world where money has become (ONE OF THE)/a foundation(S) of literally everything, a considerable amount of thought (CHANGE 'in career defining decisions is given to it') IS GIVEN TO IT WHEN MAKING CAREER-DEFINING DECISIONS.
B1:
Even though it may sound odd, (delete 'but' and add comma) it is a fact that more money equals (delete 'to') a better lifestyle. Our society has quickly developed a liking FOR (delete 'the') CONSUMER culture and everyone constantly targets new types of indulgences. To feed this vicious cycle, top priority is given to RAKING in as much money as (delete 'you can') POSSIBLE. In an ideal scenario, people would settle for less, but for now the motto " more is better" is the slogan of this generation.
B2:
ON THE OTHER HAND, however, (VERY WORDY: "it might be a popular notion but it is certainly not applicable to everyone and some Individuals do consider things such as") job satisfaction, ease of work and work to life balance to name a few. Then there is the sort PERSON WHO tends to PLACE work likability over earningS and would not sacrifice their time for a few extra dollars.
CONC:
To conclude, money (small 'm') has swiftly taken precedence over many other vital things in life. People are willing to sacrifice their time, health and social life to earn a better wage just so they can secure a better future. I completely agree on (change 'the immense value of money') HOW VALUABALE MONEY HAS BECOME and how it affects our daily life decisions.
I would say the main problem problems with this essay are that your initial and final paragraphs are too long, and your body paragraphs are too short and don't really say anything of value. However, the grammar and vocabulary are of very very high level. Advice:
1. The first observation is that the introduction looks a little out of place because it is the largest paragraph in the essay. Please try to reduce the size of the introduction (and the conclusion) to around 35-40 words.
2. "consumer culture" not "consumerism culture"
3. A large part of the B2 is simply words that don't really say much at all. It feels like you are showing your grammar skills, without actually saying much of value. Always try to get a solid point across to the audience.
Band-score:
TA: 6.0
G: 7.5
V: 7.5
CC: 7.0
