An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online?
With the dawn of the age of digitalization, the conventional way of shopping has become something of a past. Most people prefer to buy things online rather than putting the physical effort of going out. This has had a consequential effect on both small businesses and big multinational companies. Though still shrouded by skepticism, I believe that e-commerce will eventually replace and completely transform the way we shop.
The hype around the internet shopping is justified for many reasons like convenience, time saving and virtual access for 24 hours. Inevitably, it comes as of no surprise that many are opting to shop virtually. Moreover, the companies and businesses who have adapted to this digitalization and have actively modified their marketing approach are reaping the fruits of virtual consumerism as well.
However, there are certain drawbacks to the whole e-market phenomenon. Firstly, There is high chance of fraudulence as the product marketed and the actual product sold may not be the same and there have been many such cases where innocent shoppers have been scammed into paying for a product that was faulty or a knock off. Even the businesses are not spared from the scrutiny of the internet. The biggest fallback for companies are their dependence on reviews and a lot of times false reviews tend to hurt the businesses in a negative way.
In the end no matter how we look at it, the internet revolution has transformed our shopping experience. Although there is a great room of improvement since it is still in its early stages, I am very optimistic about the benefits of e-commerce and how it is revolutionizing the whole industry.
writing task 2 please evaluate
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Re: writing task 2 please evaluate
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Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
With the dawn of the age of digitalisation, the conventional way of shopping has become something FROM THE past. Most people prefer to buy things online rather than putting the physical effort INTO going out TO A SHOP. This has had a RUN-ON effect on both small businesses and big multinational companies. Though MANY STILL THINK OF IT SCEPTICALLY, I believe that e-commerce will eventually replace and completely transform the way we shop. (yay yay EXCELLENT!!)
B1:
The hype around (delete 'the') internet shopping is justified for many reasons SUCH AS convenience, BEING ABLE TO savE TIME, and 24 hour VIRTUAL ACCESS. Inevitably, it comes as (delete 'of') no surprise that many are opting to shop virtually. Moreover, the companies and businesses who have BEEN ABLE TO SUCCESSFULLY adapt to this digitalization and actively modifY their marketing approach are THE ONES WHO ARE ALSO reaping the REWARDS (a little better than 'fruit') of virtual consumerism (delete 'as well').
B2:
However, there are certain drawbacks to the whole e-market phenomenon. Firstly, there (small 't') is A high chance of fraud as the product marketed and the actual product sold may not be the same. There have been many such cases where innocent shoppers have been scammed into paying for a product that was faulty or a knock-off. Even (delete 'the') businesses are not spared from the scrutiny of the internet, and the biggest PROBLEM for companies IS their dependence on reviews WHICH a lot of THE time ARE false AND tend to hurt the businesses in a negative way.
CONC:
In the end no matter how we look at it, the internet revolution has transformed our shopping experience. Although there is (delete 'a') STILL great room FOR improvement since it is still in its early stages, I am very optimistic about the benefits of e-commerce and how it is revolutionizing the whole GLOBAL ECONOMY.
Advice:
1. Be very careful about prepositions (2 mistakes in the intro)
2. Avoid more informal words like 'like' . "Such as" is better.
3. Instead of connecting with a conjunction (and), use relative clauses ("which ....") where appropriate i.e. last sentence B2.
4. Watch count and non-count nouns! "Internet shopping" in B1 and "companies are..." in B2
TA: 7.5
G: 7.0 (problems outlined in advice)
V: 7.5
CC: 7.0 (try to connect sentences more)
NOTE: Above 4 scores are more to show what you should concentrate on. So, grammar and connecting need to be improved more than task achievement and vocabulary.
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "TASK 2 BODY ESSAY PLAN" : https://youtu.be/HYk8Y35SG0k
Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
With the dawn of the age of digitalisation, the conventional way of shopping has become something FROM THE past. Most people prefer to buy things online rather than putting the physical effort INTO going out TO A SHOP. This has had a RUN-ON effect on both small businesses and big multinational companies. Though MANY STILL THINK OF IT SCEPTICALLY, I believe that e-commerce will eventually replace and completely transform the way we shop. (yay yay EXCELLENT!!)
B1:
The hype around (delete 'the') internet shopping is justified for many reasons SUCH AS convenience, BEING ABLE TO savE TIME, and 24 hour VIRTUAL ACCESS. Inevitably, it comes as (delete 'of') no surprise that many are opting to shop virtually. Moreover, the companies and businesses who have BEEN ABLE TO SUCCESSFULLY adapt to this digitalization and actively modifY their marketing approach are THE ONES WHO ARE ALSO reaping the REWARDS (a little better than 'fruit') of virtual consumerism (delete 'as well').
B2:
However, there are certain drawbacks to the whole e-market phenomenon. Firstly, there (small 't') is A high chance of fraud as the product marketed and the actual product sold may not be the same. There have been many such cases where innocent shoppers have been scammed into paying for a product that was faulty or a knock-off. Even (delete 'the') businesses are not spared from the scrutiny of the internet, and the biggest PROBLEM for companies IS their dependence on reviews WHICH a lot of THE time ARE false AND tend to hurt the businesses in a negative way.
CONC:
In the end no matter how we look at it, the internet revolution has transformed our shopping experience. Although there is (delete 'a') STILL great room FOR improvement since it is still in its early stages, I am very optimistic about the benefits of e-commerce and how it is revolutionizing the whole GLOBAL ECONOMY.
Advice:
1. Be very careful about prepositions (2 mistakes in the intro)
2. Avoid more informal words like 'like' . "Such as" is better.
3. Instead of connecting with a conjunction (and), use relative clauses ("which ....") where appropriate i.e. last sentence B2.
4. Watch count and non-count nouns! "Internet shopping" in B1 and "companies are..." in B2
TA: 7.5
G: 7.0 (problems outlined in advice)
V: 7.5
CC: 7.0 (try to connect sentences more)
NOTE: Above 4 scores are more to show what you should concentrate on. So, grammar and connecting need to be improved more than task achievement and vocabulary.
