I definitely, approve the idea of being a sporty person and working out three times per week. Experts claim that maintaining a healthy life, people should do sports activities, and these activities affect the improvement of the body 20%. Still with healthy nutrition, a person can get 100 % good results from being able to live an active life.
Unfortunately, students at their young age are weak to comprehend the vitality of being healthy and so they don't worry about whether they follow a good routine in their diet schedule. Students are also much more likely to prefer to be lazy and weak and careless when they have a sedentary life than to have a busy life. Therefore students should be encouraged to take interest in sports. In almost every school, it has to be compulsory for each student to take the ''PE '' class and each student must be into a sport branch and learn the importance of being healthy and sporty. Schools and universities must have priorities for students who are not willing to be involved in any sporting activities.
On the other hand, at schools, informative seminars should be held frequently about how to have an active and better and healthy life.
More importantly, most of the students have smoking and drinking habit, which can destroy their life and the issue of being addicted is much worse than having an inactive experience. Hence, it is good to be into having an active life which can save us not only from a sedentary life but also give us opportunities to get rid of the bad habits which may directly be connected to our health so profoundly. There may be no way out to go back to normal while losing the health at one's prime time.
Should university students and school children be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week?
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Re: Should university students and school children be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week?
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Thanks for your submission caner!! Please see my rewrite below ...
Intro:
I definitely approve of the idea of being a sporty person and working out three times per week. Experts claim that IN ORDER TO maintain a healthy lifeSTYLE, people should do sports activities, and THAT these activities IMPROVE THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE BODY BY UP TO 20%. ADDING HEALTHY NUTRITION TO THIS, a person can DEFINITELY get EXTREMELY good results AND IMPROVE THEIR LIFE DRASTICALLY.
Unfortunately, YOUNG STUDENTS ARE OFTEN UNABLE TO COMPREHEND THE BENEFITS OF BEING HEALTHY AND HAVING A GOOD DIET. Students are also much more likely to be lazy and LEAD a sedentary life than to have a busy AND ACTIVE life. Therefore, students should be encouraged to HAVE AN interest in sports. In almost every school, it SHOULD be compulsory for each student to take PART IN the PHYSICAL EDUCATION class and IF POSSIBLE, each student SHOULD learn the importance of being healthy and sporty BY JOINING AN EXTRACURRICULAR SPORTS CLUB OR TEAM. Schools and universities must GIVE PRIORITY TO (better to say "force students ... to take part") students who are not willing to be involved in any sporting activities.
On the other hand, SCHOOLS SHOULD REGULARLY HOLD INFORMATION SEMINARS GIVING INFORMATION ON HOW TO LEAD ACTIVE AND HEALTHIER LIVES.
More importantly, MANY students have smoking and drinking habitS, which can destroy their LIVES and THIS issue of ADDICTION is much worse than BEING INACTIVE. Hence, it is DEFINITELY A good IDEA to be into having an active life which can save us not only from a sedentary LIVING, but also give us opportunities to get rid of the bad habits which may directly be SO PROFOUNDLY connected to our health. ONCE A PERSON LOSES THEIR HEALTH, THERE MAY BE NO WAY TO GET IT BACK.
Very nice essay. Advice:
1. Try to have two body paragraphs. It is a bit confusing with only one big body paragraph.
2. Try to use more adverbs in your writing. This will give it more strength and commitment. This is an opinion style essay, so you need to state your opinion strongly
3. Make sure you have a conclusion. The third paragraph reads like a body paragraph, but it is half as big as paragraph two. So paragraph three reads like a body, but looks like a conclusion.
TA: 6.0
G: 6.5
V: 7.0
CC: 5.5
Anthony Schultz
www.goldcoastielts.com
IELTS essay check : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/essays
Online IELTS lessons : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/lessons
IELTS Freebies!! : https://www.goldcoastielts.com/freebies
YouTube - "TOPIC SENTENCES" : https://youtu.be/HeqJpiiVfwo
Thanks for your submission caner!! Please see my rewrite below ...
Intro:
I definitely approve of the idea of being a sporty person and working out three times per week. Experts claim that IN ORDER TO maintain a healthy lifeSTYLE, people should do sports activities, and THAT these activities IMPROVE THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE BODY BY UP TO 20%. ADDING HEALTHY NUTRITION TO THIS, a person can DEFINITELY get EXTREMELY good results AND IMPROVE THEIR LIFE DRASTICALLY.
Unfortunately, YOUNG STUDENTS ARE OFTEN UNABLE TO COMPREHEND THE BENEFITS OF BEING HEALTHY AND HAVING A GOOD DIET. Students are also much more likely to be lazy and LEAD a sedentary life than to have a busy AND ACTIVE life. Therefore, students should be encouraged to HAVE AN interest in sports. In almost every school, it SHOULD be compulsory for each student to take PART IN the PHYSICAL EDUCATION class and IF POSSIBLE, each student SHOULD learn the importance of being healthy and sporty BY JOINING AN EXTRACURRICULAR SPORTS CLUB OR TEAM. Schools and universities must GIVE PRIORITY TO (better to say "force students ... to take part") students who are not willing to be involved in any sporting activities.
On the other hand, SCHOOLS SHOULD REGULARLY HOLD INFORMATION SEMINARS GIVING INFORMATION ON HOW TO LEAD ACTIVE AND HEALTHIER LIVES.
More importantly, MANY students have smoking and drinking habitS, which can destroy their LIVES and THIS issue of ADDICTION is much worse than BEING INACTIVE. Hence, it is DEFINITELY A good IDEA to be into having an active life which can save us not only from a sedentary LIVING, but also give us opportunities to get rid of the bad habits which may directly be SO PROFOUNDLY connected to our health. ONCE A PERSON LOSES THEIR HEALTH, THERE MAY BE NO WAY TO GET IT BACK.
Very nice essay. Advice:
1. Try to have two body paragraphs. It is a bit confusing with only one big body paragraph.
2. Try to use more adverbs in your writing. This will give it more strength and commitment. This is an opinion style essay, so you need to state your opinion strongly
3. Make sure you have a conclusion. The third paragraph reads like a body paragraph, but it is half as big as paragraph two. So paragraph three reads like a body, but looks like a conclusion.
TA: 6.0
G: 6.5
V: 7.0
CC: 5.5
Anthony Schultz
www.goldcoastielts.com
