personality is predetermined by genes therefore we cannot alter our character traits. To what extent do you agree or dis

[zengqi2804@gmail.com]

Like a father, like a son. It is popularly reckoned that our personality is a genetic product, thus, once we are born, it is impossible to change anything of our characteristics. From my perspective, however, I do not think this view can hold any water because personality forming is a polymorphous concept and gene is not the only crucial factor. 
Although, it is undeniable that the gene plays a crucial role in personality forming. Many research finds suggest that inherited genes mainly impact emotional patterns rather than behavioral patterns. For example, a boy is prone to claustrophobia if his parents have the same condition. However, heredity is not the only crucial factor involved in long term personality forming, especially if we expand the scope throughout our life. Therefore, it is unlikely that personality will stay fixed and stable throughout our entire life when we consider the influence of after birth environment.
There are many other external factors that can also significantly influence personality forming. First and foremost, education plays a key role in personality forming compared to other factors like our parents, friends, and media. According to an empirical study, many people greatly improved their original propensity and quirks after a substantial load of training at school. In addition, culture is another indispensable factor in affecting our personality. Given the different circumstances of the cultural environment, it is highly likely that we will form into a different set of characteristics. The strongest argument on this point is that people inherit features from their parents, but they still pay money and time to study knowledge and manners at school, it is only because they believe their future and themselves will change by unremitting learning and practicing.
Based on the above discussion and analysis, we can see that personality forming is influenced by many factors, including gene, education, and culture. Therefore, we should hold a comprehensive perspective while considering the effect of heredity, otherwise, it is unreasonable and fallacious to claim an absolute link by only one-sided factor.  

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Thanks for your submission zengqi2804!! Please see my rewrite below ...

INTRO:
Like ('a' - DELETE) father, like ('a' - DELETE) son. It is popularly WIDELY BELIEVED that our personality is a product OF OUR GENETICS, AND thus, once we are born, it is impossible to change ANY of our PERSONAL characteristics. From my perspective, however, I do not think THAT view HOLDS any water because PERSONALITIES ARE FORMED IN A POLYMORPHOUS MANER, and geneTICS IS not the only crucial factor.

B1:
Although it is undeniable that geneS plays a crucial role in personality forming, A LOT OF research findINGS suggest that inherited genes mainly impact emotional patterns rather than behavioral patterns (GREAT!) . For example, a boy MIGHT BE prone to claustrophobia if his parents have the same condition. However, heredity is not the only crucial factor involved in long term personality forming, especially if we expand the scope TO A PERSON'S WHOLE LIFE. Therefore, it is HIGHLY unlikely that personality will stay fixed and stable throughout ONE'S entire life, ESPECIALLY when we consider the influence IT HAS ONCE A PERSON HAS PASSED THROUGH THEIR YOUNGER YEARS.

B2:
There are many other external factors that can also significantly influence HOW A PERSON'S PERSONALITY IS FORMED. First and foremost (REALLY GOOD LINKER ), education plays a key role in personality forming compared to other factors like our parents, friends, and THE media. According to an empirical study, many people greatly improved their original propensitIES and quirks after a substantial load (CANOT UNDERSTAND 'substantial load') of training at school. In addition, culture is another indispensable factor THAT affectS our personaliES. Given the different circumstances of DIFFERENT cultural environmentS, it is highly likely that we will form a different set of characteristics. The strongest argument SUPPORTING this point is that people inherit features from their parents, but they still pay money and time to study knowledge and manners at school, AND THIS is only because they believe their future SELVES will BE POSITIVELY INFLUENCED BY DEDICATED learning and practicing.

CONC:
Based on the above discussion and analysis (GOOD!), we can see that THE FORMATION OF PERSONALITY is A COMPLEX ISSUE THAT IS influenced by many factors, including geneS/GENETICS, education, and culture. Therefore, we should MAINTAIN a comprehensive perspective while considering the effect of heredity, BECAUSE IF WE DO NOT, it is unreasonable and EVEN DANGEROUS to claim THAT ANY ONE FACTOR IS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR DETERMINING CHARACTER TRAITS.

Advice:
1. Be careful about singular/plural/non-count noun + verb relationships. There are a few errors in here related to this.
2. Understand the difference between linking words that go in the middle of a sentence, and those that go at the beginning of a sentence
3. Put a blank line between paragraphs.

TA: 8.0
G: 7.5-8.0
V: 7.5-8.0
CC: 8.0+

Great job!!