Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To

[bar75]

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities.
To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s world, technology has become an integral part of people’s life. There is no denying on the fact that people are becoming increasingly dependent on information technology. However; there are two sides to ever coin. Excessive dependence on technology leads to unhealthy life style and isolation. This essay will discuss why advantages of technology do in fact outweigh it’s disadvantages.

The huge dominance of information technology can be attributed to the fact that it makes life easier. Prior to advent of technology, work and study used to be hectic and tedious. However, nowadays internet gives accessibility to numerous resources, which can enhance our work and study performance. Specifically, with just a click, students and workers, all around the world, can get different perspective for solving particular problem .Also, areas of work have moved forward in leaps and bounds due to replacement of old traditional data storage system with computers.

In addition, Technology have made the world- a global village. In contrast with the past, people can be in touch with anyone; from the comfort of their own home. Also, we can have information about any part of the world. For instance, a person from India can have knowledge of U.S foreign policies with in a second. Moreover, we all have instant access to Entertainment industry- present on other part of the globe. Various types of songs, shows, games comes to serve in front of our screen these days.

On the flip side, certain disadvantages are certainly associated with influence of technology. Firstly, it leads to unhealthy life style. Rather than doing any kind of physical activity, for example, people are engaged on their computer and smart phones in their free time. Furthermore, it pushes person towards isolation. Although, people are connected to the world , they seems to lose humanly contact slowly. These days ,everybody is occupied by technology , no one have time to have face-to-face interaction. Thus, in long run, it might make person despondent.

Clearly, there are some negative aspects of the technology. Having said that, it’s benefits out weigh it’s disadvantages. Of course, it should be used sensibly and people must take regular breaks from technology.

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Thanks for your submission bar75!! Please see my rewrite below ...

INTRO:
In today’s world, technology has become an integral part of people’s LIVES. There is no denying (DELETE 'ON') the fact that people are becoming increasingly dependent on information technology. However; there are two sides to EVERY coin. Excessive dependence on technology leads to AN unhealthy life style and SOCIETAL isolation. This essay will discuss why THE advantages of technology do in fact outweigh THE disadvantages.

B1:
The huge dominance of information technology can be attributed to the fact that it makes life MUCH easier. Prior to THE advent of technology, work and study used to be hectic and tedious (GREAT ADJECTIVES! ). However, nowadays THE internet gives US ACCESS to numerous resources, which can enhance our work and study performance. Specifically, with just a click, students and workers all around the world (TOO MANY COMMAS) can get different PROBLEM SOLVING PERSPECTIVES. Also, areas of work have moved forward in leaps and bounds ( ) due to THE replacement of old traditional data storage systemS with computers.

B2:
In addition, Technology (NO CAPITAL 'T') HAS made the world a global village. CONTRASTING THIS with the past, people can NOW be in touch with anyone (DELETE SEMI COLON) from the comfort of their own home. Also, we can have information about any part of the world. For instance, a person from India can have knowledge of U.S foreign policies WITHIN (ONE WORD) a second. Moreover, we all have instant access to THE entertainment industry present on other SIDE of the globe. Various types of songs, shows, AND games comes CAN NOW EASILY BE ENJOYED in front of our screenS these days.

B3:
On the flip side, certain disadvantages are certainly associated with THE influence of technology. Firstly, it leads to unhealthy life style. Rather than doing any kind of physical activity, for example, people are CONSTANTLY engaged on their computerS and smart phones in their free time. Furthermore, it pushes PEOPLE towards isolation. Although (NO COMMA) people are connected to the world,(DON'T USE SPACES AFTER COMMA) they seems to lose humanly contact slowly. These days ,everybody is occupied by technology, AND no one HAS THE time FOR face-to-face interaction. Thus, in long run, it might make PEOPLE despondent.

CONC:
Clearly, there are some negative aspects TO MODERN technology. Having said that, it’s benefits DEFINITELY out weigh it’s disadvantages (it's is a contraction is 'it is'. You should use the possessive 'its' here). Of course, it should be used sensibly and people must take regular breaks from technology.

Advice:
1. Be careful about very minor grammatical errors, especially prepositions (deny on), articles (the... the...)
2. Add appropriate qualifying language where appropriate, especially adverbs (constantly) and determiners (much).
3. Be careful about the difference between it's and its.

EXCELLENT ESSAY, ONE OF THE BEST I HAVE SEEN ON THIS FORUM

TA: 8.0
G: 8.0
V: 7.5
CC: 8.0