pls check my letter ! thank you -friend helping

[rairaichan0323]

A friend has agreed to look after your house and pet while you are on holiday.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter
• give contact details for when you are away
• give instructions about how to care for your pet
• describe other household duties

Dear Jenny,

I am glad that you agree to assist me to take care of my dog and my house while I am traveling aboard.

During this period of time, you could contact with me by email or phone to me at the present phone number. I would be able to access internet via my mobile phone. I firmly believe that you will not have any difficulties to contact me.

About my dog, could you please feed him twice in the morning and evening and also give me fresh water. I have prepared some snacks for him. If you would like to give him some snacks, it will be fine but please do not give him too much. As you know him, he is a greedy dog and never feels enough.

Two more things, I would like you to help me too. I may receive a package from my parents on coming Monday, please help him to get it and keep it in my room. Finally for the security reason, please help me to clean up the mail box every day.

Your assistant in this matter is greatly appreciated. See you when I come back with your souvenir. Once again thank you for your helping.

Best regards,

Janis

[durai]

Dear Jenny,

I am glad that you agree (remove "to assist me" to take care of my dog and my (remove 'my', one is enough) house while I am in abroad. ( check spelling , not 'aboard', its 'abroad').

During this period of time( unless you mention particular time, you cannot say this statement), you could contact ( remove 'with' me by email ( provide email address)or ring to the present phone number. I would be able to access internet via my mobile phone. I firmly believe that you will not have any difficulties to contact me. ( i feel the last two sentences have no logical flow to this question)

Then about my dog, could you please feed him twice in the morning and in the evening, ( give comma after 'and' clause if you separate clauses and also give him fresh water to drink. I have prepared some snacks for him. If you would like to give him some snacks, it will be fine but please do not give him too much. As you know ( remove 'him', he is a greedy dog and never feels enough.

Two more things, (remove whole ' I would like you to help me too. ' One is I may receive a package from my parents on coming Monday, please help him to get it and keep it in my room ( this is grammatically wrong), try reword this sentence. Finally for the security reason, please help me to ( you no need to ask every time 'help me' because that you said in the first sentence of your letter,otherwise your letter looks repetitive, so lose task acievement marks. clean up the mail box every day.

Your assistantance in these ( because you gave more than one job) matter is greatly appreciated. See you when I come back with your souvenir. Once again thank you for your help

Best regards,

Janis


I feel, there is very basic grammar mistakes, please pay attention, these reduce GR & A mark .

looks like band 5.5 to 6. ( not sure)

[durai]

here is link to my response:

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1294


have a look and let me know if you find any mistakes.

Thanks
Duraai