[Task2] General writing. Could you be so kind to check my essay. Thank you.
Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2017 11:55 am
Task:
World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
My essay:
Legendary stories and proven historical documents mostly consist of records that show the facts of bloody wars inspired by male rulers while females are presented there mostly peaceful and calm. Therefore, it is not surprisingly strange that the idea of female ruling as more peaceful ruling type appears and has its supporters. However, the problem is not so straightforward and it is necessary to pay attention to several other arguments which show another side of it.
Firstly, it is certain that all known historians and legendary story-makers as well as most of country leaders were males. So, being a part of traditional society where man was often leader of family, tribe and country, historians probably had no wish and will to mention any female influence. Moreover, the fact of wife’s effect on the king’s decision to start a war could be considered as blame in king’s weakness or stupidity. Thus, all such facts were silenced because of social rules and traditions.
Secondly, it is necessary to take in account statistical factor. As it was already shown, most of state leaders were traditionally males, although when it happened that females become rulers the proportion of violence they inspired was equal. History knows not only peaceful queens but also those who’s motives where revenge and evil. For instance, queen of Amazons, queens of Scandinavians, queens of Russia could be taken. These examples show that in proportion the behaviours are just the same and if the number of queens were equal to the number of kings the picture of female violence would be the same too.
Consequently, taking in consideration presented factors such as behaviours of old traditional male society and lack of statistics, the idea of peaceful world under female control looks uncertain. Actually, as in the world of equal abilities and rights males and females act in most cases the same; it is obvious that the problem of wars and violence is not hidden in gender differences.
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It took for me a bit more time to write it (about 50 minutes) and I wonder, is it all ok with commas and complex-compound sentences? I tried to write a bit more "complex" than I usually do... has this try success or not? Thank you.
World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
My essay:
Legendary stories and proven historical documents mostly consist of records that show the facts of bloody wars inspired by male rulers while females are presented there mostly peaceful and calm. Therefore, it is not surprisingly strange that the idea of female ruling as more peaceful ruling type appears and has its supporters. However, the problem is not so straightforward and it is necessary to pay attention to several other arguments which show another side of it.
Firstly, it is certain that all known historians and legendary story-makers as well as most of country leaders were males. So, being a part of traditional society where man was often leader of family, tribe and country, historians probably had no wish and will to mention any female influence. Moreover, the fact of wife’s effect on the king’s decision to start a war could be considered as blame in king’s weakness or stupidity. Thus, all such facts were silenced because of social rules and traditions.
Secondly, it is necessary to take in account statistical factor. As it was already shown, most of state leaders were traditionally males, although when it happened that females become rulers the proportion of violence they inspired was equal. History knows not only peaceful queens but also those who’s motives where revenge and evil. For instance, queen of Amazons, queens of Scandinavians, queens of Russia could be taken. These examples show that in proportion the behaviours are just the same and if the number of queens were equal to the number of kings the picture of female violence would be the same too.
Consequently, taking in consideration presented factors such as behaviours of old traditional male society and lack of statistics, the idea of peaceful world under female control looks uncertain. Actually, as in the world of equal abilities and rights males and females act in most cases the same; it is obvious that the problem of wars and violence is not hidden in gender differences.
===
It took for me a bit more time to write it (about 50 minutes) and I wonder, is it all ok with commas and complex-compound sentences? I tried to write a bit more "complex" than I usually do... has this try success or not? Thank you.