my first TASK 2 ....target >7.5...please give me suggestions

[zibs]

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important  goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are actually important for a country.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Financial development is a must to drive the progress of any nation. However, a country is also judged on the advances it makes on the social, educational and environmental fronts. Both these aspects will be analysed before a conclusion is reached

On the one hand, economic progress demonstrates the might of a nation. Only an economically prosperous country can strive for progress in other fields since an upturn in economic fortune is a prerequisite before a government can plan infrastructural , educational and health sector projects. For example, it is no coincidence that the most influential countries of the world, such as USA and China, also have the highest GDP. Thus, economic development is always a marker of the developmental status of a nation.

On the other hand, a nation is not defined only by its economic achievement; there is more to a nation than just its financial aspect. The social harmony among the various fractions of the populace and the freedom of expression indicates that the nation is well and truly on the path of prosperity. For instance, countries like Kuwait, UAE are blessed with a booming economy but the rampant social suppression means that they do not necessarily feature among the best nations to reside in. Furthermore, a prosperous nation is also the one that is moving towards environmental sustainability. Rapidly exhausting ones resources to achieve economic gain is not a sign of development, it is simply a harbinger for a plethora of problems that will beset the nation in the future. Ergo, economic development has to be accompanied by a concomitant elevation in the overall quality of life of the population to be considered a marker of true progress.

In conclusion,I am of the opinion that economic prosperity is a means to the end, it is not the end by itself. The ultimate target for any nation should be a global upliftment of all facets of life ranging from freedom of speech to environmental enhancement rather than just filling the coffers of the nation without any tangible impact, only then could it be called a sustainable development. Hence, it is to be hoped that every developing nation keeps this notion in the forefront while formulating their development agendas for the future.

[zibs]

could someon please reply. I am desperately in need for some feedback...thank you

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is a good essay and relatively easy to make into a very good one.

First, make the first main paragraph much longer so that both main paragraphs are of a similar length.

Second, make the conclusion more personal (it is to be hoped that - yuk!).

Third, explain what you mean by social harmony.

Vocabulary and grammar are both good, in terms of range and accuracy.

Well done!
David

[zibs]

thank you for your valuable suggestions