Criticize my Letter

[saqibali]

Your children are learning foreign language at school. Someone introduced you the private teacher .
Write a letter to the teacher
-tell about your children
-what sort of help they need
- ask the teacher his previous experience


Dear Teacher,

I am writing to discuss needs of my children and to know about your experience that could possibly help my children improve their weak areas in language.


Yesterday, my friend, Azhar, introduced you to me.Since I am in need of a teacher for my children so this introduction brought much hope for my desperate needs.I have three children; Asim, the eldest one, Shazia the elder one and Sohail the junior most.Since I am immigrant from an Asian country so I have admitted all of my children in a local language teaching center to help them learn English language at fast pace.

Unfortunately, during studies, it is figured out that my children has individual weaknesses which in turn need individual coaching and attention.Asim has grammer problems, Shazia has sentence structure problems and Sohail need improvement in spelling of words. Pertinently, these needs cannot be addressed in combined class rooms so I am looking for an expert teacher.

Now, I would like you to explain your personal expertise which can help my children improve their problematic areas.

Waiting your hopeful reply,

[saqibali]

Anyone who can
Spot the grammer mistakes?
Challenge my task achievement?
Challenge my Understanding?
Suggest better variety of words and phrases?
Suggest better cohesion?
Suggest better sentences and words?

[allen_zhang]

I'd like to comment a little.

Your children are learning foreign language at school. Someone introduced you the private teacher .
Write a letter to the teacher
-tell about your children
-what sort of help they need
- ask the teacher his previous experience


Dear Teacher, Most likely, you know the name of this teacher, at least his family name.

I am writing to discuss needs of my children and to know about your experience that could possibly help my children improve their weak areas in English/Spanish/Chinese
If I am the teacher, I would be a little bit surprised by " needs of my children "? What do your children need?

Dear Mr. Smith,
I am writing to ask some information about the private English courses that you provide.

Yesterday, my friend, Azhar, introduced you to me.Since I am in need of an English/Spanish/Chinese teacher for my children so this introduction brought much hope for my desperate needs.I have three children; Asim, the eldest one, Shazia the elder one and Sohail the junior most.Since I am an immigrant from an Asian country, so I have sent all of my children to a local language teaching center to help them learn English.

Unfortunately, during their study, it appears that my children has individual weaknesses which in turn need individual coaching and attention.Asim has grammer problems, Shazia has sentence structure problems and Sohail need improvement in spelling of words. Pertinently, these needs cannot be addressed in combined class rooms, so I am looking for an experienced private tutor .

Now, I would like you to explain your personal expertise which can help my children improve their problematic areas.
It would be great if you could let me know your experiences and qualifications on English education.

Waiting your hopeful reply,

[saqibali]

Thanks