Please Rate my ESSAY:

[kumar446]

Essay topic –
In some countries, grandparents play a significant role in bringing up children. Is this a positive or negative thing?

I strongly feel that grandparents play a vital role both in families and even in bringing up the children. Grandparents are like strong pillars to any family. They have spent their entire life learning and from their past experiences they can be a good teacher to any grand children. These things may not be taught at school or college level, we can only inherit them from our grandparents. Grandparents are the ones who are preserving our culture; they teach us the core values of relationships, culture and customs in any religion.

In this busy life parents spend most of their time in earning. When compared to olden days, these days both wife and husband are working to have a secure life. In such cases grandparents are the key ones who take care of their children. As senior citizens they are retired and they don’t have anything much to do. This will be a good opportunity for elderly people to keep their health in fit and spend most of the time nurturing grand children.
Moreover it is the tendency at that age, elderly people will be more associated to kids and they develop a strong intimacy and bond between them.

Finally, its up to the parents whether they want their children to be taken care by their grandparents. We also see some cases where families are neglecting elderly people and they don’t want them to be part of their family. But as far as I am concerned grandparents are very much important to any family and they help us in weird situations where our age or knowledge is not sufficient in taking vital decisions.

Thanks,
Kumar

[iulia.romania]

Hello,
My name is Iulia, I am originally from Romania, currently living in NZ and I am trying to pass my IELTS exam. Please rate my essay.
Full time university students spend most of time studying. They should be doing other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In today's world, majority of prospective full time university students are spending most of their time focusing on study. Even though studying is very important in achieving a good education, it is argued that it must not be their only occupation. It is believed that students must be involved in other activities too, such as playing sports, walking or camping. This will be shown by looking at the advantages for their health and well being, and at the improvement within the family life. Firstly, regular physical activities such as playing tennis or soccer with friends or just walking one hour daily can be extremely beneficial for any individual but most important for students. The body becomes gradually fit, more healthy and it will eliminate toxins rapidly. In addition to this, the heart rate increases together with the oxygen levels in the blood supply. The overall mood changes positively and the stress is reduced significantly.
Secondly, once the stress is reduced, their relations within the family are improving by the fact that the students are more relaxed and they can enjoy better spending time with family members. This is nowhere more evident then in USA. Studies have shown that a high percentage of students who are not involved in any out door activities or hobby, they are increasingly obese, have difficulties finding a job after graduating and that leads to depression and even illnesses. Following this, The USA Government spends millions of dollars in treating obese patients for stress disorder, heart diseases and other issues relating obesity.
Thus as can be clearly seen from my example, the need for students to be involved in other activities as well as studying it is of a high importance. Students can not be better prepared for life, then by following the Latins proverb

Mens sana in corpore sano

which means Healthy mind in a healthy body.

thx
iulia

[kumar446]

Hi Lulia,

Full time university students spend most of time studying. They should be doing other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

One thing i observed is you didn't try to give more examples. The only example you have taken is exercises and you gave your opinion more on exercises and thier adavantages of exercising regularly.

I feel that you can even take other examples such as:
UNIVERSITY STUDENTS
1) Can participate on Global issues such as garbage wastes, educating the poor children.
2) Can be part of some social groups in the clubs or universities.
3) They can pursue their dreams which they were not able to do as a child, for example gardening ,swimming ,

I feel you totally deviated from the topic. Agreed that exercising is helpful ,in the same way you m ust have given other example .That would be more advantage ,i feel yes you have taken forst paragraph for Introduction .secon para you chosen the activity and third para for disadvantages and the final para for conclusion.

Please correct me even if i am wrong.

Thanks,
Kumar

[iulia.romania]

Thx Kumar, I think you're right. I'll rewrite the essay in a couple of days. Good feed back, ty.

[iulia.romania]

Hi Kumar

If you allow me this correction, you must avoid using words such as "I strongly feel...or " It's up to the parents...
Try and use " It is believed..."..and "As has been proven..." Keep it formal and back it with facts and data.
Great essay though, better then mine.

[kumar446]

Hi Kumar

If you allow me this correction, you must avoid using words such as "I strongly feel...or " It's up to the parents...
Try and use " It is believed..."..and "As has been proven..." Keep it formal and back it with facts and data.
Great essay though, better then mine.

thanks a lot for your feedback.i will try not to make that sort of mistakes again. Please submit your essay again.

In the mean time we will try to search anyother members who are intrested in correcting and helping one another,because i see many essays that are not being corrected.

Thanks,
Kumar