Technical development kills local skills and way of life?

[sushilkumargiri]

Nowadays, technological advancement has made significant impact on nation's skills and way of life.
Some argue that this impact is not so extraordinary that it will destroy the indigenous skills and lifestyle.
However, it is seen that globalization and major organized companies plays important role in development of a country as well as making local skills and lifestyle almost obsolete. These will be critiqued before reaching to reasoned conclusion.

Firstly,it is noticed that globalization has a huge impact on a nation's development and bringing the whole world together.
Take, India for example, where chinese or western restaurents are more famous than local one, western cloths are being preferred and they play english songs in dance clubs. This proves that globalization is vastly changing the local lifestyle. Thus, it can be said that globalization will kill local lifestyle.

Secondly, big companies plys most important role to develop any country. They bring new technology and experience which they have aquired over a long period of time. For instance reliance, a big Indian garment making company has brought machines from USA to boost their production so that they can meet local demand. These machines have killed thousands years old weaving skill and technology. Therefore, it is obvious that multi-nation companies kill local skills and technology.

After analysing above, it can be proved that in long run technical development will wipe out local skills and way of life.
Though, it is very important to retain these values and talents. One way to preserve these is to educate people on keeping ancient skills and indigenous lifestyle.

[Ryan]

(I have not responded to the poll above.)

Hi sushilkumargiri,

You haven't included a very clear indication of what the task is, so I am a little unsure how to gauge Task Achievement. Grammar, however, is in need of major improvement, as this piece falls into incoherence at points.

Here are a few wording suggestions:

Nowadays, technological advancement has had a significant impact upon the skills and ways of life found in many countries around the world.
(Why do you skip a line here?) Some argue that this impact is not enough to cause any real erosion of indigenous skills and lifestyle.
(Why do you skip another line here? These sentences should all be part of the same paragraph.) However, others point to the effects globalization and multinational companies are having upon the professional abilities and cultures found within developing countries. These areas will be critiqued before a position on the matter is reached.

Firstly, it is worth noting that globalization continues to have a huge impact on a nation's development and bringing the whole world together. (<--"...on a nation's development and bringing the whole world together", I don't feel you've accurately shown how these two ideas link together. Perhaps you meant something like this: "Firstly, globalization has led to the gradual evolving of an international identity, and this has caused certain cultures to gradually erode.")
(Why do you skip a line here?) Take India, for example. Western and Chinese restaurant chains in certain parts of India are becoming more popular than local eateries. In addition to this, foreign clothing brands dominate many Indian malls. The manner in which this influx of foreign goods is welcomed acts as a clear indication of the fundamental cultural changes occurring among Indian people as a result of outside influence. This proves that globalization is vastly changing the local lifestyle. (<--What little I know of the task description is that this should have something to do with "technical developments". Is this discussion accurate?) Thus, it can be said that globalization will kill local lifestyle. (<--Again, without the task, I can't comment on the accuracy of this conclusion.)

Secondly, big companies play a critically important role in the development of any country. They bring new technology and experience which they have aquired over a long period of time. (<--I get the feeling this connection to technology should have also been present in your first supporting paragraph. Right?) For instance, reliance, (<--Is this the name of a company? Why is it not capitalized?) a big Indian garment making company, has brought machinery from the USA to boost their production so that they can meet local demand. These machines have killed (<--What other words could you use in place of "killed"? You use this word too much in the essay.) thousands of years of traditional Indian weaving practices and technology. Therefore, it is obvious that multinational companies are slowing making local skills redundant.

(I think the above paragraph attempts a very logical progression between your example and the conclusion you try to draw, but unfortunately this is distorted by poor grammar and awkward wording.)

After analysing the above, it can be proved (<--Change this to "concluded".) that in the long run technical development will wipe out (<--"Wipe out" might be a little too extreme. How about "negatively affect" or "erode"?) local skills and ways of life.
(Why have you skipped a line here?) It is hoped efforts are made to encourage the retaining of traditional skills and lifestyles.

[sushilkumargiri]

Thanks for your comments and corrections Ryan.
I wrote ielts exam on 5th April 2014.. I am not confident about getting band 7 in all sections..
Most probably I will register to write again after getting result on 21 April..

[sushilkumargiri]

Dear Ryan I got 7.5,7,6.5,7 in listening,writing,reading,speaking respectively. I need 7 in all 4 to apply for Australian visa.
I practiced just one reading test paper partially which cost my overall result. I will take break for 2 months then write again.