Sample essays

[SomTobgay]

Sir,
I am attaching herewith some essays for necessary feedback and rating.

1. AS COMPUTERS ARE BEING USED MORE AND MORE IN EDUCATION, THERE WILL BE SOON NO ROLE FOR TEACHERS IN THE CLASSROOM
The perception among the people about computers surrogating the role of teachers may be a hasty generalization. Instead I feel with the advent of computers and its increasing use by the students, the role of teachers has further increased.
The computers have enabled students to browse for lots of information online. Owing to this, teachers have the additional responsibility of looking for wider and even more concrete answers to the questions the students are likely to ask.

2. MANY OFFENDERS COMMIT MORE CRIMES AFTER SERVING THE FIRST PUNISHMENT. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AND WHAT MEASURES CAN BE TAKEN TO TACKLE THIS PROBLEM?
Some people commit crimes in a desperate attempt to make a living owing to the lack of proper education, skills or jobs. This is worse after they are tried at the court and sentenced for their crime.
The trend of offenders committing crimes after their first punishment in any country can be very alarming for the citizenry. It can be attributed to the lack of any rehabilitative efforts from the government. The lack of governmental interference through a noble policy enables prisoners to interact amongst themselves and even poses risks of future collaboration in crimes after they serve their prison term.
Therefore, it is very important for governments to plan rehabilitative not only for the young people like in some country but also initiate similar programs for other older inmates. The government or the prison authorities need to arrange religious discourse programs as well as other skill development programs for the inmates. This will enable them to see some hope in life after serving their prison term and help them lead a very decent life.
Furthermore, it is also important for the offenders’ friends, relatives and people to accept them as any ordinary person instead of being scornful and out casting them from the society.

3. WITHOUT CAPITAL PUNISHMENT OUR LIVES ARE LESS SECURE AND CRIME OR VIOLENCE INCREASE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION?
The increasing number of crimes in the country is a representation of her economic and other social policies that affect the populace. If there are aplenty of people unemployed, there are very high chances of seeing many cases of crime.
Although, stringent laws and punishments for the convicts are necessary to deter them as well other people from engaging in criminal activities in the future, there are amicable ways of doing that instead of relying on death penalties. It is very important for the government to strengthen other social safety nets and also work on rehabilitative services for the convicts. Furthermore, it is vital for the people to accept the former convicts as normal being once they are sent free.
If all these aspects are put well in place, the convicts have high possibility of regretting their previous deeds and to make out for the earlier wrongdoing, they can work with dedication towards the betterment of their family and country as a whole.
However, capital punishment given to the convicts brings about emotional trauma to the people related to them. They will be referred to as criminals’ parents or families which make it hard for them to lead a good life. There are similar cases in few countries where the relatives of the convicts have been denied the security clearance certificate which is a proof that one has not engaged in criminal activities without which one can neither apply for jobs nor scholarships in the country.
This leads to the youths and other people to create or join some anti-government organizations which can be a great threat to the country.

4. EVEN THOUGH GLOBALIZATION AFFECTS THE WORLD'S ECONOMICS IN A VERY POSITIVE WAY, ITS NEGATIVE SIDES SHOULD NOT BE FORGOTTEN. DISCUSS.
Globalization has brought about positive developments across countries around the world through the exchange of latest technologies and technical know-how. It has enabled people living in different hemispheres to communicate with one another through the use of technologies. Men has also landed on moon and also made it possible to study the viability of finding another planet for people to live in.
Yet there are certain features of traditional methods giving way to the strong force of globalization. Even though it is important to move along with the developments around the world, it is very imperative for the governments to help preserve country’s cultural, natural and other aspects that are unique to a particular country.
Although, the advent of television and internet has made it possible for peoples to keep abreast with the happenings of the world, it has also eroded the cultural identities of the countries. For example, the footballers, singers, actors etc… has encouraged youth especially in Bhutan to completely change their hairdo, getup and also instilled in them an attitude of taking drugs, smoking and drinking to be something cool.
Globalization and competition in the field of technologies has resulted in creation of some wonderful innovations which works towards help treat diseases and lengthen the life expectancies of the people. However, the same sense of competition has also resulted in creation of some deadly war materials especially the nuclear war weapons. The increasing number of countries developing nuclear weapons has made this earth an unsafe place to live in. The whole world can be put to an end if the countries go to world war III.
Therefore, it is government’s duty to very farsighted and bear in mind interest of all the people while framing and implementing the policies of their countries.

Thanks!

[SomTobgay]

Will someone please go through my essays and rate them?

[andytruong1202]

One at a time bro

[SomTobgay]

Dear andytruong1202, I am now sending only one essay at a time. Please go through and rate my essay. Thanks!
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Some people commit crimes in a desperate attempt to make a living owing to the lack of proper education, skills or jobs. This is worse after they are tried at the court and sentenced for their crime.
The trend of offenders committing crimes after their first punishment in any country can be very alarming for the citizenry. It can be attributed to the lack of any rehabilitative efforts from the government. The lack of governmental interference through a noble policy enables prisoners to interact amongst themselves and even poses risks of future collaboration in crimes after they serve their prison term.
Therefore, it is very important for governments to plan rehabilitative not only for the young people like in some country but also initiate similar programs for other older inmates. The government or the prison authorities need to arrange religious discourse programs as well as other skill development programs for the inmates. This will enable them to see some hope in life after serving their prison term and help them lead a very decent life.
Furthermore, it is also important for the offenders’ friends, relatives and people to accept them as any ordinary person instead of being scornful and out casting them from the society.

[andytruong1202]

Dear andytruong1202, I am now sending only one essay at a time. Please go through and rate my essay. Thanks!

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Some people commit crimes in a desperate attempt (what do you mean by this?) to make a living owing to the lack of proper education, skills or jobs. It gets worse after they are tried at the court (what does it meant?) and sentenced for their crime.

Unclear introduction

The trend of offenders committing crimes after their first punishment in a country can be very alarming (Unclear topic sentence). It can be attributed to the lack of rehabilitative efforts from the government (what does it mean?). The lack of governmental interference through a noble policy enables prisoners to interact amongst themselves and pose risks of future collaboration in crimes after they serve their prison terms. Unclear reasons

Therefore, it is very important for governments to plan rehabilitations not only for the young people but also for other older inmates. The government or the prison authorities need to arrange religious discourse programs as well as other skill development programs for the inmates. This will enable them to see some hope in life after serving their prison terms and help them lead a very decent life. (How this makes prisoners not commit crimes again? and what are the outcomes?)

Furthermore, it is also important for the offenders’ friends, relatives and people to accept them as an ordinary person instead of being scornful and out casting them from society.

(need to expand on this paragraph)

Where is your conclusion?

[SomTobgay]

Dear andytruong1202,
Thank you so much for assessing my writing. I hope to be able to improve my writing keeping your feedback in mind.

[SomTobgay]

Dear andytruong1202,
I would be glad if you could tell me how much the essay you have assessed is worth in terms of IELTS score.

With regards

SomTobgay