Task 2 : Please evaluate my essay

[temandrin]

Topic: Few people devote to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

In the present age, the percentage of individuals who have been following their side interests is facing a drastic decline. The main factors come from several various aspects. Outlined below I've mentioned the focal points of this phenomenon and consequences in our civilization.

A convincing argument can be made about lifestyle not only playing a vital role in our everyday life but also restricting our leisure time and more importantly eliminating the possibility to extend our background with our passions. For instance, those who work actually, having long and stressful working hours, thus their fatigue will come eventually. Furthermore, their free time will be zipped. Imagine what a mess could be if you live in an urban area, where the density of population is very high and you need hours to reach home. After all these obstacles you have to care for your family. Your energy will vanish and time will be lost.

As the idiom says "Time is money", a crucial influence is the economic background of our families. Developing a hobby is becoming a luxury for the majority of people. In more concrete terms, time can be spared if you have enough money to support yourself and your family. So you don't need to spend much time to work. Combining both factors money and time, you will have the opportunity to expand your passion.

Finally, the outcome of this situation has a direct impact on humans and logically to our families and society. There is an unavoidable trend that people are becoming less active physically. The level of happiness is dropping fearfully. As a consequence, our society is suffering to fulfill their complementary needs.

To sum up, with a complexity of factors like our lifestyle, urbanization, economy, etc., our hobbies will be transformed into slaves of time and money, as a minority of wealthy society is having a real probability to put into practice them.

[michaelwest]

In the present age, the percentage of individuals who have been following their side interests is facing a drastic decline - what the percentage was earlier and what it is now?. The main factors come from several various aspects. Outlined below I've mentioned the focal points of this phenomenon and consequences in our civilization.

A convincing argument can be made about lifestyle - what type of lifestyle, there are a lot of people who are studying, working and have time for their hobbies -not only playing a vital role in our everyday life but also restricting our leisure time and more importantly eliminating the possibility to extend our background with our passions. For instance, those who work actually, having long and stressful working hours, thus their fatigue will come eventually. Furthermore, their free time will be zipped. Imagine what a mess could be if you live in an urban area, where the density of population is very high and you need hours to reach home. After all these obstacles you have to care for your family. Your energy will vanish and time will be lost.

As the idiom says "Time is money", a crucial influence is the economic background of our families. Developing a hobby is becoming a luxury for the majority of people. In more concrete terms, time can be spared if you have enough money to support yourself and your family. So you don't need to spend much time to work. Combining both factors money and time, you will have the opportunity to expand your passion.

Finally, the outcome of this situation has a direct impact on humans and logically to our families and society. There is an unavoidable trend - where it is mentioned, maybe you can provide some statistical data or some research - that people are becoming less active physically. The level of happiness is dropping fearfully - according to what research?. As a consequence, our society is suffering to fulfill their complementary needs.

To sum up, with a complexity of factors like our lifestyle, urbanization, economy, etc., our hobbies will be transformed into slaves of time and money, as a minority of wealthy society is having a real probability to put into practice them.