Please evaluate my essay task 2. Thank you so much

[Htarni aye]

Some believe that young people should have a university education because this will bring benefits to the society in the future. Others, however, think it will lead to graduate unemployment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Achieving higher education has been an essential element for young adults. As such, some people are of the opinion that this educated workforce can have a positive impact on the society they belong to. However, others contradict the idea as this could escalate the level of unemployment. This essay will analyse in both views before concluding my personal opinion.
Many and varied reasons lie behind the fact that university education is necessary for teenagers to develop their society. First of all, it is essential for a country to be equipped with citizens who can positively contribute to a holistic development of the nation.Teachers, take for an instance, play an indispensable part in raising a country's educational status, and so is for doctors, to have healthy citizens in a nation. Without qualifying the tertiary education, it is not possible to produce such graduated workforces for the future.In addition, the ability of learning higher education could mean that the level of intelligence and analytical thinking of young graduates will be higher than those who are not having degrees. As a result, this can facilitate in dealing with the issues that are happening in the society.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that the unemployment rate amongst young people can be attributed to increased productivity of graduates. Owing to hard economic realities and scarcity of job opportunities, most of the jobs become competitive among candidates, thereby consequently creating an increased rate of graduates unemployment. On top of this, if the country produces a significant number of university graduates without considering their qualities, limited skills and experience can make a deterrence to achieve a secure job.
Having things considered, although there are some risks of job uncertainties after graduation, I am convinced that being an educated person can progress their society in various ways as mentioned above. As long as they try their utmost effort in their specific field, the nation will undoubtedly become a prosperous and successful country.

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Htar Ni