PLEASE COMMENT ON THE ESSAY

[Rukshana]

What do you think of people who spend a lot of money on things that are unnecessary when so many people in the world have nothing to eat?

Today, financial status differs society to society around the world. For example, in India people wear lots of gold chain to show their status. The higher the gold carats the better the chain is and higher is the status. It is argued that wealthy people make unnecessary purchase to show their financial status instead of donating part of their wealth to the needy. This will be proven by analyzing both the acquisition of a brand new car and living in a mansion.
Buying for status is common these days. Rich people acquire property to show the world how wealthy they are. For example, in America a well-off individual will buy a brand new car at a blink of an eye, even if that person has 10 other cars in his garage. Possessing a car has been a prestige for decades, however, people who buy car because they can afford it, is outrageous. Thus, wealthy people purchase things even if they don’t really need it.
In addition to this, an individual who lives in huge house is also to show their financial status to others. Take Justin Bieber, for example, he has a mansion in Hollywood Hills with at least 6 beds, 7 baths, huge kitchen and a grand swimming pool outdoor area. The mansion is enclosed in a property of a hector in size. When looking at this example, there is no doubt that people spend money unnecessarily. Thus, it can be concluded that acquiring unnecessary thing is a financial status for some people.
After analysing the above points, it has been proven that people buy unnecessary things for a financial status. It is recommended that rich people donate part of their wealth to organizations that help poor people.

(289 words)

[Tina]

your thesis is not very clear and examples are not appearing as if they are proving your point of view. Appears confusion in ideas.