please evaluate my task 2 essay.

[yass]

It is argued that mobile phones and other electronic devices have no place in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays technology and new innovations in electronic devices have affected our life in many aspects. This is very apparent in our communications and social behavior. Some devices such as mobile phones are used by all of people and in any situations. It is agreed that using this types of electronic devices will have detrimental effects on students learning. This will be proven by analyzing the distraction of students concentration on course topic as well as their disciplines.
A very important points of learning is focusing on topic that are thought. As an example, if students in class concentrate on their mobile phones or other electronic devices instead of course, they will have trouble in understanding the classroom topic. Regarding to this, any electronic devices that distract the student attention should not be brought to class. Thus, technology have no place in classrooms.
Another reason for avoiding the using electronic devices by students in classes is discipline in which is the key to a student academic success. For instance, mobile phones and other devices like that in the classroom make students more noisier and encourage them to record the course instead of listen and learn the topic. After analyzing this. It is clear that the existence of staff like these would have dire consequences on the students education. Therefor it is better that mobile phone especially smart phones and other communication devices are removed in classrooms.
To sum up, for reasons related to distraction of student attention from the topic as well as their discipline in classroom, it is obvious that electronic devices especially phones should not be brought in classrooms. It is expected that using of mobile phones in classes by students and teachers will be reduced because of mentioned reasons.

[Flick]

It is argued that mobile phones and other electronic devices have no place in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, technology and new innovations in electronic devices have affected our lives in many aspects. This is especially apparent in our communications and social behavior. Some devices, such as mobile phones, are used by most people and in many situations. It is agreed that using this type of electronic device in the classroom will have detrimental effects on students' learning. This will be proven by analyzing how they can distract students as well as their disciplines(<--I don't understand 'as well as their disciplines'.).

A very important point of learning is focusing on topic that are thought.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) For example, if students in class concentrate on their mobile phones or other electronic devices instead of the subject being taught, they will have trouble in understanding the classroom topic. Therefore, any electronic devices that distract the student should not be brought to class. Thus, technology has no place in classrooms.

Another reason for avoiding using electronic devices during class is discipline, which is the key to a student's academic success. For instance, mobile phones and other similar devices in the classroom make students more noisy, and encourage them to record the course instead of listen and learn the topic. After analyzing these points, it is clear that the use of these devices in the classroom would have dire consequences on the students' education. Therefore, it is better that mobile phones, especially smart phones, and other communication devices are removed from classrooms.

To sum up, for reasons related to distraction of students' attention from the topic as well as their discipline in the classroom, it is obvious that electronic devices, especially phones, should not be brought into classrooms. It is expected that using mobile phones in class by students and teachers will be reduced because of the above-mentioned reasons.

[yass]

Hi
Thank you so much.
I appreciate for editing my essay. I noticed many of my mistakes.