Please evaluate my task 2 7+

[ysaddiq]

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of television or computer screen.This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore parents should strictly limit the time children spend in this way.

Discuss the statement.


Television and computer games are the most demanding entertainment by our children. However, when screen time is not well-managed by the parents it can leads to major negative consequences which could hinder children development. Many suggest, therefore, parents should strictly limit screen time while others refute this. These point views will be discussed in this order.

It is believed by some that unmanaged long screen time act as a catalyst to a weak mental development. For instance, when a child spends most of the time on screen, consequently will spend less time on face-to-face communication which is one of the main sources children gain language and social skills. Thus, this child will gain less sophisticated verbal skills that their peers who spend most of their time interacting with other real people. Therefore, it is very clear why many gravitate toward this point of view.

On the contrary, many argue that television shows and some of the electronic games usually strengthen children language and cognitive skills when a high quality time children spent on. Papa Pig, as an example, is an english show that depicts good behaviour, vocabulary varieties, and healthy eating in a funny and exciting methods. Many children endure the show’s character and happily replicate their good behaviour. Thus, screen time can be very beneficial for children development. after analysing these facts, it is clear why many support this claim.

In conclusion, allowing children to have unlimited screen time can be very harmful to children development. This claim is supported and refuted by many. In my opinion, I believe parents must limit screen time and allow children to have more rewarding face-to-face interaction with friends and relatives. This definitely could accelerate children mental development.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I like this question, because it simply asks you to discuss the statement, which consists of 3 parts;

1. Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of television or computer screen.

2. This is extremely harmful to their development.

3. Therefore parents should strictly limit the time children spend in this way.

Candidates could easily discuss these in turn to create a lovely essay. It is often said that 'modern' children spend a lot of time in front of screens, but I often wonder how true that actually is. Whether it is harmful to their development opens up discussion about what they are doing. The third part should include whether parents, who are often busy, actually can do this.

Let's move to your response ...

1. In the first main paragraph, you have failed to outline which screen-related activities lead to this. It's also not clear why they cannot develop verbal skills using methods other than face-to-face, e.g. Skype.

2. In the second main paragraph, you provide an excellent example, but fail to look at other programmes.

3. In the conclusion, you fail to say why you favour one view over the other, particularly when you have clearly stated that both views are valid.

Grammar and vocabulary appear to be good, but are not used to create a cohesive argument.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of television or computer screen.This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore parents should strictly limit the time children spend in this way.

Discuss the statement.


Television and computer games are the most popular entertainment for our children. However, when screen time is not well-managed by the parents it can lead to serious negative consequences which could hinder the child's development. Many suggest, therefore, parents should strictly limit screen time while others refute this. These viewpoints will be discussed in this order.

It is believed by some that unmanaged screen time acts as a catalyst to poor mental development. For instance, when a child spends most of their time watching tv or playing video games, they consequently will spend less time on face-to-face communication which is one of the main sources of language and social skills. Thus, this child will have less sophisticated verbal skills than their peers who spend most of their time interacting with other people. Therefore, it is very clear why many gravitate toward this point of view.

On the contrary, many argue that television shows and some electronic games strengthen a child's language and cognitive skills when a high quality time children spent on.(<--I don't understand this.) Peppa Pig, as an example, is an English show that depicts good behaviour, vocabulary variations, and healthy eating in a funny and exciting way. Many children love the show’s character and happily replicate their good behaviour. Thus, screen time can be very beneficial for a child's development. After analysing these facts, it is clear why many support this claim.

In conclusion, allowing children to have unlimited screen time can be very harmful to a child's development. This claim is supported and refuted by many. In my opinion, I believe parents must limit screen time and allow children to have more rewarding face-to-face interaction with friends and relatives. This definitely could accelerate their child's mental development.

[ysaddiq]

Thank you Mr. David for your valuable feedback.
Which IELTS score band do you think this essay fall in?

Hello!

I like this question, because it simply asks you to discuss the statement, which consists of 3 parts;

1. Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of television or computer screen.

2. This is extremely harmful to their development.

3. Therefore parents should strictly limit the time children spend in this way.

Candidates could easily discuss these in turn to create a lovely essay. It is often said that 'modern' children spend a lot of time in front of screens, but I often wonder how true that actually is. Whether it is harmful to their development opens up discussion about what they are doing. The third part should include whether parents, who are often busy, actually can do this.

Let's move to your response ...

1. In the first main paragraph, you have failed to outline which screen-related activities lead to this. It's also not clear why they cannot develop verbal skills using methods other than face-to-face, e.g. Skype.

2. In the second main paragraph, you provide an excellent example, but fail to look at other programmes.

3. In the conclusion, you fail to say why you favour one view over the other, particularly when you have clearly stated that both views are valid.

Grammar and vocabulary appear to be good, but are not used to create a cohesive argument.

All the best,
David

[ysaddiq]

Thanks Flick for the correction, you are amazing!

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of television or computer screen.This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore parents should strictly limit the time children spend in this way.

Discuss the statement.


Television and computer games are the most popular entertainment for our children. However, when screen time is not well-managed by the parents it can lead to serious negative consequences which could hinder the child's development. Many suggest, therefore, parents should strictly limit screen time while others refute this. These viewpoints will be discussed in this order.

It is believed by some that unmanaged screen time acts as a catalyst to poor mental development. For instance, when a child spends most of their time watching tv or playing video games, they consequently will spend less time on face-to-face communication which is one of the main sources of language and social skills. Thus, this child will have less sophisticated verbal skills than their peers who spend most of their time interacting with other people. Therefore, it is very clear why many gravitate toward this point of view.

On the contrary, many argue that television shows and some electronic games strengthen a child's language and cognitive skills when a high quality time children spent on.(<--I don't understand this.) Peppa Pig, as an example, is an English show that depicts good behaviour, vocabulary variations, and healthy eating in a funny and exciting way. Many children love the show’s character and happily replicate their good behaviour. Thus, screen time can be very beneficial for a child's development. After analysing these facts, it is clear why many support this claim.

In conclusion, allowing children to have unlimited screen time can be very harmful to a child's development. This claim is supported and refuted by many. In my opinion, I believe parents must limit screen time and allow children to have more rewarding face-to-face interaction with friends and relatives. This definitely could accelerate their child's mental development.