Essay for FLICK - TV Channels in Australia

[danyocean]

Dear FLICK, please assess my essay. Thanks a million, feel free to contact me.

SkypeID: daniarsupriyadi

Television is a good thing, because it gives people enjoyment and keeps them informed as well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Television brings significant changes in term of giving the easiness to entertain and educate people today. Despite its positive things, I personally think that the undesirable effects should be considered.

Apparently, I agree with the notion that TV has opened and expanded the dissemination of news and knowledge. In this era, people are easy to gather information offered by TV programmes such as animal world, political news and history. They also have many options t watch TV channels according to their preferences. In Indonesia for example, a majority of city dwellers have registered to a cable television like the IndoVision which provides not only news but also many entertaining shows and scientific information.

Notwithstanding these favourable arguments, there are some detrimental effects if someone rely too much on seeing television as well as be a passive person acquiring information displayed on TV. One reason is that some TV channels have biased toward certain issues such as religion or a political party. For instance, during the presidential election of Indonesia, there is a strong tendency of TV channel to the one candidate of president due to the fact that this media have been owned and funded by a political leader.

Eventually, this media often promote and disclose only good news of such candidate without a balance opinion or critique. Also, most of TV show also obligate to censor some entertaining shows or news because not all viewers, particularly for children, conform to which such as war news.

On balance, despite the positive outcomes of TV, I content that not all information depicted on TV is trustworthiness, and some TV channels are less fitted with certain viewers.

[Dr.Matthew]

Television is a good thing, because it gives people enjoyment and keeps them informed as well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Television brings significant changes in term of giving the easiness to entertain and educate people

people people people lol try and find a synonym

today. Despite its positive things, I personally think

better word choice/ 'consider'?

that the undesirable effects should be considered.

Apparently, I agree with the notion

reread for meaning please...it sounds like 'apparently you agree' which is a little strange!

that TV has opened and expanded the dissemination of news and knowledge

GREAT phrasing + word choice here

. In this era, people are easy to gather information offered by TV programmes such as animal world, political news and history. They also have many options t watch TV channels according to their preferences. In Indonesia for example, a majority of city dwellers have registered to a cable television like

like like like...try 'such as'

the IndoVision which provides not only news but also many entertaining shows and scientific information.

and...what's the implication of this very good example FOR YOUR ARGUMENT?

Notwithstanding these favourable arguments, there are some detrimental effects if someone rely too much on seeing television as well as be a passive person acquiring information displayed on TV. One reason is that some TV channels have biased toward certain issues such as religion or a political party. For instance, during the presidential election of Indonesia, there is a strong tendency of TV channel to the one candidate of president due to the fact that this media have been owned and funded by a political leader.

Eventually, this media often promote and disclose only good news of such candidate without a balance opinion or critique

excellent word choice

. Also, most of TV show also obligate to censor some entertaining shows or news because not all viewers, particularly for children, conform to which such as war news.

On balance, despite the positive outcomes of TV, I content that not all information depicted on TV is trustworthiness, and some TV channels are less fitted with

'suitable for...'

certain viewers.

PERHAPS NOT AS STRONG AS SOME (!!!) OF YOUR OTHER ESSAYS...THE BASIC IDEAS ARE GOOD BUT YOU DON'T OPTIMIZE THEIR WORTH BY DRIVING HOME YOUR ARGUMENT. AGAIN, A MIX OF ADVANCE VOCAB AND THE SAME OLD, SAME OLD...PEOPLE/LIKE/SOME I KNOW IT'S DIFFICULT TO FIND AN EFFECTIVE SYNONYM FOR 'PEOPLE' BUT AT TIMES IT IS POSSIBLE TO LEAVE IT OUT ALTOGETHER IN A SENTENCE (IT'S REDUNDANT....). FINALLY, I WOULD REVISE THE USE OF ADVERBS AT THE HEAD OF YOUR PARAGRAPHS. IN PARAS 1 & 3, YOUR ADVERB OPENING ARE NOT EFFECTIVE.

[danyocean]

Thanks a million. I keep practicing writing for IELTS based on your guidance and advice.

[Dr.Matthew]

Not a problem Dany, rewrite and send another sample in...let's see how you have improved! Have you tried my (in)famous COPY technique yet...it really works if you stick at it...a bit like doing weight training; slowly (but surely) your writing will get stronger ,

Matthew