Task 2 Writing (Target Band 8+) 3rd

[bas]

Hello again everyone,

Here is one last essay I wanted to post up here. Let me know what you guys thinks, please.

The advent of the Internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Write an essay looking at the advantages and disadvantages of this professional arrangement. Share personal examples in your essay.

The Internet has revolutionized our modern world in many ways. One such aspect is the introduction of working from home. While there are many benefits of this movement, critics questions the negative effects this creates in our society. Both sides of the argument will be discussed and a reasonable conclusion will be assessed in this essay.

On one hand, employees who have the privilege of staying at home while working do not have to spend resources on transportation and employers are not required to provide an office building to accommodate their workers. A colleague of mine, for instance, was a tech support intern for Apple and he was blessed with this freedom. The time and money he saved from this work environment was indirectly comparable to having a higher salary. As all workers strive for this opportunity, the advantages of the Internet are clear.

On the other hand, home becomes the workplace for these employees. This could lead to the mentality that the worker must perform their duties and responsibilities at all times of the day. For instance, my uncle who works at home spends longer hours working each week than he did at his previous job in an office. Being on call, it restricts him to limit how much time he spends in his personal life, which is disadvantageous in this regard.

In conclusion, the pros and cons are clear; employees can save on valuable resources by working at home, but their personal lives may suffer the consequences. Job seekers and startup owners should weigh the benefits and drawbacks analytically before deciding which work environment is best for them from a personal and a business perspective.


Word count: 277

Regards,

Bas

[ansh3091]

Hi bas,

Again, a very informative essay. I have learned many things. But, there are some clerical errors.

regards,
Anshuman Sharma

[zalak]

Hi bas,

I would say this is a good piece of work. I really liked reading through it. Plus points for giving different examples each for the advantages and disadvantages. Flow of the words and ideas was smooth, but, there were some minor grammatical mistakes (but these didn't block my understanding of your writing or hinder your flow of sentences). I did miss out on reading some complex structure sentences; but what you've written is good.

I might want to suggest you to add a few more words or explain / support your points more. Doing so plus the above mentioned things would get on you on the 8+ band bus

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Zalak

[bas]

Thanks a lot guys. I just took my IELTS exam earlier today and I attempted incorporating your suggestions. The essay was about how interesting and enjoyable television makes people's lives and if I agree or disagree with it. I hope I killed it .

[terry3218]

quote="bas"]Thanks a lot guys. I just took my IELTS exam earlier toand I attemped incorporating your suggestions. The essay was about how interesting and enjoyable television makes people's lives and if I agree or disagree with it. I hope I killed it .[/quote]

Wow man that's awesome. Let us all know how your result turned out. You are one of My inspirations when it comes to essays.

Best of luck

[bas]

Wow, I am honored, thank you . It was a learning experience for me as much as it was for you guys to help with suggestions. I learned a lot while reading and critiquing your essays. It was putting myself in the shoes of the grader and analyzing based on the four categories of the grading rubric that really opened my eyes to what constitutes a great essay and hoe my essay writing skills compared.

Even though I've been speaking English for most of my life, essay writing and speaking academically have always been my weakest skills. I hope I have strengthened my skills through my Ielts preparations and I hope all of you do the same .

Thanks again and good luck to you all.

[bas]

I got my results today and I fell just short of 8 in writing again. My results were 7.5 writing, 9 speaking, 8.5 reading, 9 listening and 8.5 overall. With my past three attempts, I have scored a 9 in the other three sections, but I can't crack an 8 in writing yet haha.

After the weekend, I will contact IDP and find out how to apply for a re-mark since it is so close to an 8. After that, I might start preparing for another shot at the IELTS.

[terry3218]

I got my results today and Ithey mightl just short of 8 in writing again. My results were 7.5 writing, 9 speaking, 8.5 reading, 9 listening and 8.5 overall. With my past three attempts, I have scored a 9 in the other three sections, but I can't crack an 8 in writing yet haha.

After the weekend, I will contact IDP and find out how to apply for a re-mark since it is so close to an 8. After that, I might start preparing for another shot at the IELTS.

Tough luck fellow. Nonetheless great overall score.
Can you think of any specific reason why they might have given you a 7.5 rather than 8 in writing? Like any spelling mistake or something?

Cheers

[bas]

I'm not too sure actually.

Here are some of the things I am confidant I did well in:
1) My spelling is usually not an issue unless I accidentally misplace a letter from writing/thinking too fast. If I come across a word I don't know how to spell, I would use a different word instead.
2) I made sure I had cohesion in my essay.
3) I used specific examples in both of my body paragraphs.

Conversely, here are some of the things I am NOT confidant I did well in:
1) My grammar isn't perfect and I don't know if I had enough grammatical range in my sentences.
2) My reasoning for each argument point might not have been strong enough.
3) I tend to have difficulty remembering relevant vocabulary words when I am rushed.

Overall, I think it was my grammar that held me back. This was the one area I neglected to study because I assumed I already mastered it. It's time for me to start studying how to write like an English Scholar hehe.

[terry3218]

[te="bas"]I'm not too sure actually.

Here are some of the things I am confidant I did well in:
1) My spelling is usually not an issue unless I accidentally misplace a letter from writing/thinking too fast. If I come across a word I don't know how to spell, I would use a different word instead.
2) I made sure I had cohesion in my essay.
3) I used specific examples in both of my body paragraphs.

Conversely, here are some of the things I am NOT confidant I did well in:
1) My grammar isn't perfect and I don't know if I had enough grammatical range in my sentences.
2) My reasoning for each argument point might not have been strong enough.
3) I tend to have difficulty remembering relevant vocabulary words when I am rushed.

Overall, I think it was my grammar that held me back. This was the one area I neglected to study because I assumed I already mastered it. It's time for me to start studying how to write like an English Scholar hehe.[/quote]

Best of luck

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

You are using a lot of basic words to start sentences.

You could try for instance:

"Indubitably, the internet..."

"Without any doubt, both sides..."

"Looking from the one side,"

"Thinking back, a colleague..."

Etc..

http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... -sentences

http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... ts-writing

[terry3218]

You are using a lot of basic words to start sentences.

You could try for instance:

"Indubitably, the internet..."

"Without any doubt, both sides..."

"Looking from the one side,"

"Thinking back, a colleague..."

Etc..

http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... -sentences

http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... ts-writing

Hi. Is this phrase correct to include at the beginning of conclusion paragraph; To recapitulate, ?

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

You are using a lot of basic words to start sentences.

You could try for instance:

"Indubitably, the internet..."

"Without any doubt, both sides..."

"Looking from the one side,"

"Thinking back, a colleague..."

Etc..

http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... -sentences

http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... ts-writing

Hi. Is this phrase correct to include at the beginning of conclusion paragraph; To recapitulate, ?

Personally, I find it a bit unusual (British native speaker).

[sos1947]

Bas, I would request to get your writing rechecked. I got my writing remarked in spite everyone advised this, there was a change in my grade but only by 0.5 unfortunately I needed +1 in writing.

thanks