Help me check this essay. Thanks for your help!

[phuongthuy247]

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think may be effective?

Currently one of the topic that interests quite a lot of people in society is the solutions to the problems of growing traffic and pollution. To be more specific, there have been several opinions and statements on the topic, and one typically suggests that the price of petrol should be increased. Due to my view, statement may prove to be convincing to some extent but may not quite accurate in some cases.
To begin with, nothing can alter the fact that those who support the statement above should have all their arguments justified. First of all, one of their main arguments could be that it is difficult to a person who has low income to use means of transports run by petrol. Next, somehow many of us find it reasonable to accept their point, understand the reason explaining that if the petrol price’s rise, there will be more people use public transport than individual vehicle. It makes the growing of traffic can be reduced.
Likewise, the statement above is not generally consisted as an accurate one to everybody since there also some people who do not advocate it. As regards their justification, a reason usually claimed by many of them to convince us is that this policy can make the price of other products rises which occurs the standard of people under that government. In addition, it is also true to be against the statement because the petrol is not the only element lead to pollution.
All things considered, it is by no means an easy task for everyone to determine which side of the argument they should take because, as explained clearly earlier, both sides appear to prove their points. However, I still personally believe that increasing people’s awareness of using transports and protecting environment is an effective way to solve those problems.

I am going to take the IELTS exam in next month, which score do you think I can get with this essay?
Thanks for your time and your help!

[delvydavis]

Hi
I saw a lot of words used unnecessarily to make the essay lengthy. Try to reduce it and use that for another sentence with good reasoning.
for eg: To begin with, nothing can alter the fact that those who support the statement above should have all their arguments justified. - this sentence seems to be unnecessary. avoid this.
there is no specific examples provided
grammatical mistakes, i am not good in that
instead of your first sentence - "Currently one of the topic that interests quite a lot of people in society is the solutions to the problems of growing traffic and pollution." - use a catching sentence/statement.

overall, from my point of view - 5.5
Delvy

[phuongthuy247]

Thanks for your help! I will try another way to rewrite this essay according to your suggestion.