Attention first time posters!

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Ghazal
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2014 3:09 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Ghazal »

Hi every one,
Here's my essay. Can anyone help me improve it? Any guess about its score?

Numerous conditions play role in selecting an appropriate place to grow up a child. Some features such as better facilities are available in big cities, while some others such as clean air and safe environment exist in small towns.

Living in big cities may have several advantages for bringing up a child. Firstly, there exists a wider range of public and private schools with different educational approaches in big cities. Consequently, one can choose among many alternatives. Secondly, entertainment facilities like toy stores, amusement parks, cinemas, theaters, concerts, sport clubs, etc. are within easy reach in big cities. Finally, medical and healthcare services are of higher quality in big cities. By considering the above reasons, it’s easier to bring up a child in bigger cities.

On the other hand, small towns benefit from cleaner air and environment and that would provide children with healthier environment and would decrease the risks of some diseases. Moreover, the rate of committing crimes is much less in comparison to big cities. Therefore, small towns are safer places to grow up a child. Furthermore, children have to create their own fun. As a result children come up with creative ideas to play games in groups such as hide and seek or hopscotch which are some examples of traditional outdoor games and learn sociability skills in interactions with their peers.

In conclusion, big cities and small towns both offer their own advantages and disadvantages for raising children; and one can decide between them based on his preferences and priorities.
mmg21
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:13 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by mmg21 »

Hi.. i am going to take ielts on 6th dec,,, Ryan, can you please check my essay and score it...i need to know where i stand and what are my short-comings... in which fields i require improvement..
Some people think that rich countries should help the poor ones by giving them money while others believe that some other efficient forms of international aid are also available for the aid.

What is your opinion ? Explain with reasoning.

__________________________________________________________________
In the modern era, most of the developing countries have to look towards the developed countries for aid and to fulfill their economic needs. Rich countries can do this by funding the poor ones or it can be done in some other ways, which will be discussed in detail in coming paragraphs of the essay.
Firstly, developed countries can offer scholarships for the students coming from the poor countries, so that in the future, they can help their countries themselves. Secondly, economically stable and grooming countries can offer jobs for the citizens of countries with a struggling economy. This can be done in several ways, e.g. specific visas categories can be launched for highly skilled professionals for different projects, and for unskilled people - according to the need of manpower. Thirdly, countries with more organized health care systems can send their health professionals; including medical and paramedics. Either these professionals can do much good for the people on their own or they can train their counterparts in the developing countries, which will have long-term effects. Medicines can also be donated or sold at cheaper rates, as a part of international-aid to the countries who are unable to build their own resources. So, there are multiple options available for rich countries intending to help a needy one.
On the other hand, some people think that rich countries should give funds to help the poor country(s).This can be effective if all the amount is utilized in a properly organized manner. But, as the most of developing countries have high corruption rates in almost all of their departments, it is very difficult to expect a corruption free usage of the granted aid.
After analyzing all the examples, it can be concluded that there are many of the options are available as a part of international-aid. In my opinion big powers of the world should consider all the discussed options rather than handing over the cash and credit to the leaders of developing countries.
irmak
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2015 10:39 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by irmak »

Would you please assess my eassy?

The topic is some some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others,however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and motivation for commiting it, should always be taken into account when deciding on punishment.

Nowadays, crime rate is getting higher day by day. The most of crimes are comitted by people who are just released from court because of the indicating good motivation and proper language. However, the some people think that punishments should be fixed.

In each crime,people, circumstances and the intentions are different. Some crimes are comitted with extreme desire and some of them are comitted without any bad intention. Giving the same punishment to the suspects in the second case becomes injustice. For example, according to the this , a terrorist and a woman who just wanted to protect herself from her bad husband's violence, will take the same punishment because of the attempting the murder. In this point, is this verdict right? I do not agree this idea.

On the other hand, criminals are good at acting than any actor on the world. After committing crime, they can persuade the jury and judge to believe that it was a mistake and it occured without any bad intention. Furthermore, they do this with proper language. In this point, jury and judge remain under the speech of criminal and jusge gives less punishment than ordinary ones. When the punishment finished, criminals go back their business and complete their mission which was not done previous time and this causes heavier casulities.


In conclusion, different suspects should not take same punishment. Justice must be applied in right way and the jury should not be let under effect of criminal. Judgement should be proceed by professional personality experts.

Cheers :D
pheyferdiana
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:29 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by pheyferdiana »

Hii..

I am Phey, i need your help to give my suggestions on my writing.

question:
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer:
Basically, the pupils start to learn foreign languages at secondary school. However, in globalization era, it is believed to be better introducing them in earlier stages by some educationalists. Furthermore, when it comes to measure its difference, views differ greatly.

The convincing argument in its favour is that young people generally are able to learn languages easier than teenagers because of the fresh of stimulation in their brains. It means that they have an appropriate time to pick up another language as soon as possible. Moreover, nowadays, several languages have been an international language where those have been used by the majority of people in the whole world such as Mandarin, English and Hindi. Afterwards, children are able to generate the opportunity by communicating in the languages.

On the other hand, there will have some disadvantages learning a foreign language at the first step of their school. First of all, the primary teachers may not have the necessary language skills that are able to help their student as the standard of language. Furthermore, there will be a diversity of skills which the secondary school should conduct for standardizing their abilities. However, these issues can be fixed by the regulation from government which would have been made.

By and large, young people is very advised to study other languages at the early stage in primary school because of the velocity of children’s ability to enlarge the knowledge especially on languages, even though there will be a variety of skills each individual but it is still able to be coped by government.

Thank for giving me some advises.
safoora
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2015 6:55 am

Re: Would you please correct it?

Post by safoora »

Environmental pollution is a serious issue and it is important to take steps on an individuals level to reduce it.But now, since it is becoming an international issue, it is time to take environmental protection to a higher level.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Without a doubt, many personal considerations have been taken into action to reduce the environmental pollution level.However, due to the fact that environmental pollution rises to a global level,improvement of defeating methods is required.i totally support this statement and in the following paragraphs I am going to describe my points of view.

Nowadays, the amount of environmental pollution is too high to be overcomed just by people.For example, sometimes in Tehran the level of air pollution rises to its highest degree.In this situation people cannot clean the air because its beyond their abilities.They just should stay at home to take care of themselves.Thus, more serious preventive acts should be st to avoid environmental pollution.

many people because of their own advantages may not act morally to protect the environment.for instance,in Iran many factories drop their wastes into the rivers or seas. instead of destroying them in scientific ways.by doing this the may cut their costs in order to earn more profits. This happen because not all the people care about their environment .So ,strict rules should be set to force people respecting the environment as well as not allowing them to damage their surroundings.

Finally, sometimes the level of environmental pollution is so high that individuals cannot handle it personally.Moreover, some people may take environment for granted and do not pay enough attention to it.hence, the protection level should be improved to a higher one.This may help the reduction of environmental pollution.
jyoti
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:41 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by jyoti »

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

People enjoy watching sports .Sports play important role in the fields of entertainment. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries and have big fan following. Many people argue that professional athletes make good role models for young people, however, this is refuted by others.These arguments will be analyzed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.
Today, it is felt by many people that athletes make role models for young generation and inspired them with their work. Many children like famous professional athletes and want to become like them. This is apparent that many young generation like sport which is good for their health and sports teach many valuable lesson like discipline, teamwork and goal setting. For example, many top professional athletes set an example of great role model for many children in India. Professional athletes demonstrate the importance of hard work in achieving goal and practising regularly to be good at something. This example clearly shows that how professional athletes plays an important part in young generation’s life and make role model for them. Thus, It is easy to see why this argument garnered a lot of support.
On the other hand, it is refuted by others that athletes are not always role models. There are many professional athletes once they reach the level of fame, they are attracted by media attention and large financial benefits and ready to take bribe for sports fixing. For instance,There are many professional athletes who fall for money and cheated on their country. Many children think that fame and money plays an important role in sports because of that children do not learn the valuable attributes of sports . This example shows that how many athletes mislead the young generation. Thus, it is disagreed by many people that professional athletes are always roel models.

After analyzing these two points of views, it is felt that professional athletes plays an important role in young generation’s life. In years to come, professional athelets become a role model for every child if they play well and focus and show positive aspects of playing sports.
jyoti
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:41 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by jyoti »

Hi every one,
Here's my essay. Can anyone help me improve it? Any guess about its score?

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

People enjoy watching sports .Sports play important role in the fields of entertainment. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries and have big fan following. Many people argue that professional athletes make good role models for young people, however, this is refuted by others.These arguments will be analyzed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.
Today, it is felt by many people that athletes make role models for young generation and inspired them with their work. Many children like famous professional athletes and want to become like them. This is apparent that many young generation like sport which is good for their health and sports teach many valuable lesson like discipline, teamwork and goal setting. For example, many top professional athletes set an example of great role model for many children in India. Professional athletes demonstrate the importance of hard work in achieving goal and practising regularly to be good at something. This example clearly shows that how professional athletes plays an important part in young generation’s life and make role model for them. Thus, It is easy to see why this argument garnered a lot of support.
On the other hand, it is refuted by others that athletes are not always role models. There are many professional athletes once they reach the level of fame, they are attracted by media attention and large financial benefits and ready to take bribe for sports fixing. For instance,There are many professional athletes who fall for money and cheated on their country. Many children think that fame and money plays an important role in sports because of that children do not learn the valuable attributes of sports . This example shows that how many athletes mislead the young generation. Thus, it is disagreed by many people that professional athletes are always roel models.

After analyzing these two points of views, it is felt that professional athletes plays an important role in young generation’s life. In years to come, professional athelets become a role model for every child if they play well and focus and show positive aspects of playing sports.
ielts_barry
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2015 11:31 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by ielts_barry »

Please critic my ielts task 2 essay. Thanks

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

Child obesity is one alarming issue that every country is facing these days. Clearly, this particular health problem has been long linked to more serious complications. To control such epidemic, people must be educated on ways it occurs and how to overcome it.

To begin, one reason why obesity is becoming more and more common in children is their unsupervised eating habits. Such instance can be observed at school cafeterias where a lot of junk foods are being sold. Children at schools, without their parents to guide them, might be tempted to eat these junk foods uncontrollably. Another cause of child obesity is the lack of knowledge on health and wellness. Some parents who cannot afford to send their children to schools, where health education is being taught, is one reason of such dilemma. Apparently, they have no one who can teach them how to lead a healthy lifestyle.

In order to prevent and overcome obesity in children, people must come up with vital solutions. Schools should reinforce the importance of good health by offering more nutritious food at cafeterias. If not possible to completely eliminate, junk foods should only be sold in controllable amounts. This way, children will be exposed to more healthful choices. Meanwhile, those less privileged children can still be educated about wellness. With the help of the government, there must be programs that focus on such issue. Health- related projects like Health Education will encourage verbalization of concerns and questions to help them acquire more knowledge.

To conclude, obesity among children has become a worldwide phenomenon. Although it is becoming more and more prevalent due to a number of reasons, a joined effort of parents, schools, and the government can be done to make the world a healthier place to live in for children.
meridithbream
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 5:59 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by meridithbream »

Digital products play a dispensable role in our daily life in such a technology developed

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fast operation speed. With development of high technology, it is common to see that there

are various kinds of high tech products nowadays,
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them are of good quality and low price.
tudureandavid
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:44 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by tudureandavid »

Hello everyone , i would like to share with you my academic writing task 2 , and if there is somebody to correct it i would appriciate it a lot.
The question task is : Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in.For this reason,private cars should be completly banned from city centers
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays, many people believe that cities have changed their aspect due to extreme traffic. This has caused the creation of an unsupportable atmosphere to live or even work in. For this to be solved, private cars must be interdicted in city centers. Nonetheless I somewhat disagree with this statement.

The main reason I agree with the statement is because of the emitted exhaust gases of cars which represents a problem for an urban environment.Also a high level of pollution can disturb the daily people's behavior.Firstly, a major contribution on deterioring the air it's done by CO2.Not only that damage our city's atmospher and creates a dense fog,as in the case of many chinese cities but also affect the whole ozone layer.Secondly,our healthy it's putted in danger, as a result ,people find it difficult to manage with this lifestyle.

However, the reason why I disagree with the statement is because if men would ban private cars from city centers,then they will face difficulties in transportation.Despite of all the fresh air they may get,citizens will need to let their cars away from the city and then coming back to town would require special transportation.Similarly, the big distances between one place and another which a man would be forced to travel on foot would become too much exhausting.

To sum up ,I somewhat agree that cars are doing real damage to our city environment.Nonetheless,I believe that although the cars are harmful for our lives , it would not be an efficient thing to forbid them in city centers.

250 words . Any opinion is well welcome.
Dr.Asba7i
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2015 7:40 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Dr.Asba7i »

First of All , I wana thank Rayan for all he has done for all IELTS seekers in the world . Your incredible work is appreciated . I have an IELTS exam 17 days later and I am practicing the writing thing these days . I tried to write on TASK 2 following Raya's argument essay structure and came up with this ::

Q : Do you agree with the statement " Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future "

ANSWER : 295 words

Everybody passes through tough and happy situations in their lives. Difficult life times cannot be avoided as long as we live and interact with others. It’s agreed that the hard experiences teach us how life should be lived and give us the wisdom we need all the time. Demonstrating that difficult situations are practical lessons and they give us the automatic proper ways of behaviour will prove this.

No need to say that life is a matter of skills of handling and coping with changes rather than reading about how to live it. When I was a student, I would never change my way and attitude towards studying unless I failed in my second term in collage and had to do it again. Despite I knew that studying seriously is a must for success, I wouldn’t achieve that without a practical lesson of failure. Therefore, this practical hard time taught me more than any thing else.

We all need to develop more natural appropriate reactions to life challenges. For instance, we have to face the fact that in order to maintain a job we got ,we have to to deal with other requirements than technical qualifications such as a long distance to workplace, a tough manager or selfish team. All of which need a flexible and realistic person that would be definitely the result of his past difficult experiences. Nothing can make us doing the right thing in the exact right time other than the bad painful experiences.

As a sum , we can't be any better in life without the practical lessons and the flexible personalities we gain from our toughest periods of life . Therefore , the best way of getting used to life difficulties is to remember their value and continuously learn from those free lessons .

Any comments and feedback are welcome . I want anyone to suggest what band is my writing as it is my first time to write . Thanks in Advance :D
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OnlineEnglishTeacher
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Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by OnlineEnglishTeacher »

Dr.Asba7i wrote:First of All , I wana thank Rayan for all he has done for all IELTS seekers in the world . Your incredible work is appreciated . I have an IELTS exam 17 days later and I am practicing the writing thing these days . I tried to write on TASK 2 following Raya's argument essay structure and came up with this ::

Q : Do you agree with the statement " Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future "

ANSWER : 295 words

Everybody passes through tough and happy situations in their lives. Difficult life times cannot be avoided as long as we live and interact with others. It’s agreed that the hard experiences teach us how life should be lived and give us the wisdom we need all the time. Demonstrating that difficult situations are practical lessons and they give us the automatic proper ways of behaviour will prove this.

No need to say that life is a matter of skills of handling and coping with changes rather than reading about how to live it. When I was a student, I would never change my way and attitude towards studying unless I failed in my second term in collage and had to do it again. Despite I knew that studying seriously is a must for success, I wouldn’t achieve that without a practical lesson of failure. Therefore, this practical hard time taught me more than any thing else.

We all need to develop more natural appropriate reactions to life challenges. For instance, we have to face the fact that in order to maintain a job we got ,we have to to deal with other requirements than technical qualifications such as a long distance to workplace, a tough manager or selfish team. All of which need a flexible and realistic person that would be definitely the result of his past difficult experiences. Nothing can make us doing the right thing in the exact right time other than the bad painful experiences.

As a sum , we can't be any better in life without the practical lessons and the flexible personalities we gain from our toughest periods of life . Therefore , the best way of getting used to life difficulties is to remember their value and continuously learn from those free lessons .

Any comments and feedback are welcome . I want anyone to suggest what band is my writing as it is my first time to write . Thanks in Advance :D
Hello Dr. Asba,

I think that writing should be posted in a new post below probably, not in this post - if you do that, you can PM me and I will correct it - all the best.
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riyad
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2015 3:46 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by riyad »

windy wrote:Dear Ryan,

I'm going to take part in the last IELTS test in this month. Actually, my skills are not sufficient simultaneously but I have to get IELTS result for applying scholarship. Hope that you can give me your feedback about my essay as below. This topic is yours which you give readers the opportunity of 72 hours. I saw it too late but I would like to have another chance to get your opinion. Look forward to hearing from you! Many thanks and regards!


In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behavior. In other countries, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant example in your respond.

Differences between cultures have appeared since the dawn of time. In particular, how children are educated in society is one of the elements in discrepancies. Some cultures give the direction in behavior by conservative regulations or conformities while others train children from self-study and educate them how to take responsibilities for their decisions. Each of educational approach has distinctly pros and cons.

The first method furnishes descendant to enhance the consciousness by conventional experience from older generation. They are taught how to avoid the failure from others’ previous mistakes on the way they pursue. For instance, when I was a child, my parent always taught me focus on my studying without social activities due to wasting of time and its effect on my result. Actually, it’s definitely improve my skills, especially in my communication skill that is absolutely necessary for my life when I take part in that operations. However, children can benefit from these regulation such as they have to polite with the elders, they are learned how to communicate with relatives or friends.

With the different manner of education, a kid shapes his foundation by self-experiencing. That means knowledge and skills are conceived through personal experienced procedure, not from others perspective. In retrospect, I formed my dependent ability by the way my parent educated me. They have never helped me when I fell, I had to stand up by myself, they even hit me if my faults affected on anyone. I recognized that I have to responsible for my decisions. It’s not only equip dependent characteristic, but also responsibility for one person.

In my point of view, I prefer allowing the kids to make decision for what they desire than regulated them from other trail. According to some researches, childhood is the most vital period one person learn and enrich their adepts for future life. Furthermore, real experience will become the biggest valuable wealth for one person on account of it’s conceived by self-studying.
saranya
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Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 6:47 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by saranya »

Some people say that education system is the only crucial factor for development of a country. To what extent do u agree or disagree?
No one can deny that a good educational system plays a critical role in development of child, in turn society, by large the nation. However, it cannot be considered as the sole factor for the country’s advancement.
We must acknowledge that today’s children are tomorrow’s politicians, scientists, doctors and teachers. Hence we need a well designed curriculum which trains children on every aspect of world. Such holistic education prepares the child for his future role. For example, the process of decision making in times of trouble by political leaders has greater influence on nation’s development and decision can be productive only if they have profound knowledge and information.
Moreover, history shows that most of Indian leaders, freedom fighters were graduates and their eminent knowledge was used to gain the independence. In addition, most of the developed countries’ literacy rates are far higher compared to poor nations. These facts ensures that education has a greater role in developing a country.
Nevertheless, some factor like ‘geographical’, social & cultural’, and physical factors also equally contribute in a country’s advancement. Firstly, geographical factors- even today many nations are not in favour of national integration- which positively affects country economy. Secondly, social and cultural influence-racial and gender discrimination are still prevalent in some of the nations. This reduces the literacy rates, increases population, unemployment, crimes etc., which adversely impact country’s progress. Finally physical factors-such as natural calamities like drought, floods, earthquakes, volcano eruptions etc, also deter nation’s development.
In conclusion just having a rewarding educational system would not guarantee a nations development but the collaboration of all the above stated factors would open up many avenues for country’s advancement.
gautamk
Posts: 25
Joined: Tue May 12, 2015 11:22 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by gautamk »

words should be around 250-300

i see people writing 500 words...

remember, more you write, more there might be chances to occor mistakes...
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OnlineEnglishTeacher
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Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by OnlineEnglishTeacher »

gautamk wrote:words should be around 250-300

i see people writing 500 words...

remember, more you write, more there might be chances to occor mistakes...
Yes, I teach my students that also.

And 150-200 for the task 1.
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PreciousCharmRN
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Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2015 11:04 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by PreciousCharmRN »

Good day everyone!
I would like to ask for your help.. please help me improve my writing. :) and do include your comments, band scores (highly appreciated), and your suggestions on how I can improve my writing... I'm taking the academic module in two weeks and I do need to achieve at least band 7. Thank you so much!

Question:
Some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion?


The young generation of today is the society's next leaders and citizens, and so they should be properly educated in the different institutions. However, learning does not only occur inside the classrooms but it also happens in a day-to-day basis.

The various schools and universities serve as the students' training ground for acquiring knowledge. The instructors who are scholars in their own fields teach the youngsters about the vast array of concepts and theories. Also, they are properly instructed about the etiquette that they should observe. Students are rewarded for accomplishing the tasks, but they are given due punishments if they fail to comply. Moreover, the tons of home works given to them sharpen their critical thinking and comprehension skills. Indeed, the pupils are being prepared academically.

On the other hand, some institutions offer extra-curricular activities for their students. They encourage their students to join the sports events. These activities enhance their physical strength and stamina. Meanwhile, parents are also focused on their children's educational progress that even at home, they still want their kids to continue learning by reading books and solving puzzles. Although these methods can ensure the improvement of their intellectual skills, they would not be able to fully develop their personalities.

I do believe that learning cannot only be acquired through books and educational activities. It is an indisputable fact that we can learn many concepts and gain more information through these modes, however, a person's development does not only center in intellectual abilities alone particularly that of children. The nature of child development follows a combination of activities that enhance a child's intellectual, emotional, and social characteristics. They should be allowed to play and interact with their playmates because in this way, they can explore their environment and gain their confidence. Furthermore, those kids who experienced a balanced time for education and play turned out to be good-natured individuals.

Many philosophers and citizens alike believe that knowledge is power. It is in our nature to search for higher education, and the educational institutions answer that quest. On the contrary, the world outside the school buildings brings about numerous quests and mysteries from which we can also gain wisdom far more significant than those we get in books.
aurora_vietnamita
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2015 7:46 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by aurora_vietnamita »

i would highly appreciate
"A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions"
In these days, a human’s real value has opened up a controversy. The criteria of the past such as virtues seem to be overwhelmed by social status and material possessions. This opinion shows a limitation in the way of thought of those who are blurred by this material world.
It is obvious that many powerful and wealthy men are of high value. Obama, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs are rewarding embodiments for this. Especially, these men of greatness are always leading a simple lifestyle with out of mode clothes. Wealthy and powerful as they are, they are not judged by their properties. What make their worthy are their rewarding virtues such as diligence, honor, nonstop efforts to positively change the world, and devotions for a better life. That is to say, the value of everybody stay right inside them, it is precious qualities, potential power, talents and ideas, which can be explored and exploited to catalyze opportunities, open up promising avenues and create masterpieces and the incredible.
Common material values should be looked down on as there are temporary. It is further from the truth that social status and possessions can prove one’s worth. These things can be illegally obtained such as corruption, stealing, cheating, and illegal business. These evil sins are usually covered by the power of money and can lead to uncountable miseries, social matters and dilemmas. Many of them are still living outside the law and. It is our all-time duty to protect the right.
In a nutshell, nothing material can make up one’s value. Only our qualities and contributions that prove our eternal worthiness with humanity.
thanks for your attention!
ragingsoul
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2015 7:04 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by ragingsoul »

Hi Everyone, hope you are all doing great.

I am a newbie here, this is my first time to post as I am planning to take Ielts somewhere in November.
Hope you can give me some feedback about my essay.

Thank you very much.


Q: Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree with this view.

A:

In my opinion, I agree that the government is just wasting money on the arts, and should be used more on important things.

For instance, they are planning to put up or renovate a certain art centre which will cost a lot of money by buying new furnitures, shelves, decorations, lights, electical wirings and paying for its maintenance, electricity bills and securities. These are just small things and will cost a big part of the government's budget. Adding to it, they will still need to buy or pay for the arts that they need to display. Antique arts like paintings and sculptures probably will cost depending on their value and we all know that those are very expensive.

Moreover, the money that they plan to use for arts should be spent more on hospitals, schools, farms, public infrastructures, transportation and charity programs which will be used by 99% of their people.

Hence, we also know that we need to preserve the country's arts, but only few people are interested and will benefit from it compare to more important things that people need for their everyday life.
Radha muralidhar
Posts: 5
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Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Radha muralidhar »

Mr. David ,Please check my following essay and give your comments.

Government investment in arts , such as music and theatre is a waste of money . Government must invest money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The tax-payers money is being used by the government for taking care of the most important needs of the public such as education, healthcare and housing in addition to encouraging artists who play pivotal role in showcasing the culture of a country. In my opinion, I believe that although the government should provide financial aid for both the aspects, I still feel that more money should be utilized for improving the basic necessities of the common man .

To begin with, in some developing and underdeveloped countries many individuals lack proper education and live in badly constructed houses sans proper sanitation. If the government offers free education and construct decent houses for the needy, not only those who receive such help would benefit immensely but also the society would benefit. For instance, in India some unfortunate people live in houses which don't have proper drainage and washrooms paving way to some diseases which could be contagious. As a result , some people who live in the vicinity also get these diseases. Thus,by providing decent residences to those people or re-building their houses the government obviously, would help the poor as well as the society. In addition,if the poor intelligent students are provided with free books and scholarships, they would make their country proud by becoming scientists , doctors and take up other service oriented jobs and serve the country with gratitude and sincerity .

However, encouraging the native artists who help the old tradition to flourish is also equally important.To exemplify, in the global world of today, tourists often visit new countries and show interest in the native music, dance and creative arts of the countries they visit. Some efficient artisans might not be able to expose their talent due to paucity of funds. For instance, in India the government has identified fold dancers , musicians and people who have nimble fingers for handicrafts and supporting them financially. Exporting their products are also being arranged resulting in encouragement of poor artists. As uniqueness of a country, makes it stand out among other countries ,the government if very much justified in their action of spending some funds for their development.

In conclusion, the government should make sure that it offers satisfactory public services and aid the sectors with good money. At the same time it should also encourage artists who can win laurels for their country with their service but the priority should be given for the former one.
ankushcoolz
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Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by ankushcoolz »

plz check this writing.......give band scores out of 9...i will be highly obliged if somebody could reply as soon as possible ....

Topic:Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world.

What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

Answer:: It is indeed a fact that with the advent of falsehood era, crime is increasing drastically linked to imbalance in the society.But,it has become a moot-concern that why this is and there could be some remedies. So, here I am going to scrutinize causes and solutions of this statement in this piece of writing.

As a matter of fact , first and foremost is the unemployment due to rise in population because number of the applicants are more but job vacancies are minimum.Even,over use of technology has replace man-work.Therefore,to fulfil basic needs ,young ones commit crime. For example, statistics reveal that snatching, mugging and so many other crimes are at peak in metro cities which are committed by the either juveniles or youngsters. In addition, both parents in metropolitans are bread-winners because of which it is hard to spend quality time with children as they have hectic schedule and so many daily chores to do.Hence, their offspring get deprived of parents’ guidance and moral values, which lead them to be in the bad society along with getting into malpractices. For instance, brats of rich families are often seen in such problems, quarrles and fights with their peers.

To address this problem, firstly, government must establish small-scale industries in villages, town and large scale in cities so that more and more jobs can be attained by the warm bloods of any country. Secondly, parents must spend some valuable time and understand the needs as well as problems of their children, which may bring them to be on the right path. Such as sitting for some particular time with children by having food, going out, enjoying altogether in weekends.

To conclude, after considering all the above points, I personally believe that mutual efforts of parents, law-makers and individuals need to be put for eradicating this problem from the society.
Weekend
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue May 17, 2016 10:23 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Weekend »

Hiren wrote:could you please help in how to format this essay?

Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee. Do you agree or disagree? What are positive and negative aspects of the issue?

From first question,agree/disagree,it seems to be argument essay in which both body paragraphs will support my opinion.But second questions asks to discuss positive and negative aspects.so how should I format this essay?

Hi !

If i were to format my answer to this type of question it would be like this.please correct me Ryan if its not a good one.

Thesis: There are positive and negative effects of hiring employees based only on academic qualifications .However,I believe that the disadvantages can not be outweighed by its advantages which makes me believe that academic qualifications should not be the only factor to be considered.

B1-advantages of academic qualification
B2-disads of only academic qualification

Summary:To sum up ,while there are benefits of hiring employees based on their educational attainment,I strongly believe that it should not be the sole requirement in hiring employees.Other factors should also be considered such as personal background ,historical background and moral background in order to increase the company's standards.
Weekend
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue May 17, 2016 10:23 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Weekend »

ankushcoolz wrote:plz check this writing.......give band scores out of 9...i will be highly obliged if somebody could reply as soon as possible ....

Topic:Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world.

What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

Answer:: It is indeed a fact that with the advent of falsehood era, crime is increasing drastically linked to imbalance in the society.But,it has become a moot-concern that why this is and there could be some remedies. So, here I am going to scrutinize causes and solutions of this statement in this piece of writing.

As a matter of fact , first and foremost is the unemployment due to rise in population because number of the applicants are more but job vacancies are minimum.Even,over use of technology has replace man-work.Therefore,to fulfil basic needs ,young ones commit crime. For example, statistics reveal that snatching, mugging and so many other crimes are at peak in metro cities which are committed by the either juveniles or youngsters. In addition, both parents in metropolitans are bread-winners because of which it is hard to spend quality time with children as they have hectic schedule and so many daily chores to do.Hence, their offspring get deprived of parents’ guidance and moral values, which lead them to be in the bad society along with getting into malpractices. For instance, brats of rich families are often seen in such problems, quarrles and fights with their peers.

To address this problem, firstly, government must establish small-scale industries in villages, town and large scale in cities so that more and more jobs can be attained by the warm bloods of any country. Secondly, parents must spend some valuable time and understand the needs as well as problems of their children, which may bring them to be on the right path. Such as sitting for some particular time with children by having food, going out, enjoying altogether in weekends.

To conclude, after considering all the above points, I personally believe that mutual efforts of parents, law-makers and individuals need to be put for eradicating this problem from the society.
Hi !

Im not really good in writing but I can read some inaccuracies.
There are strong and weak points here in this essay.I would like to focus on the first body par.In the first body par,the strongest point i think is the second where you talked about parental guidance as it is developed quite enough thou example is not needed.The first point there thou has underlying cause why theres no employment available for the youthm e.g lack of education .I think thats a better point to consider.Lastly,please use more academic words in all parts of the essay.Thankyou

Overall its an essay on its way to success!

Please also check my essays ,Sometimes we are blinded by our own mistakes.Thankyou!
Sherzod
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Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2016 9:07 pm

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by Sherzod »

Hi
ali15
Posts: 36
Joined: Mon Jul 20, 2015 8:36 am

Re: Enrich the writing forum by contributing to it

Post by ali15 »

Hello people pls help me with this essay and thnx you :)


Universities should allocate the same amount of money to their sport activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree or disagree?

Today money is playing an important part in people live, this can be seen on the way of how these people or organization spend this money carefully, it is agree that universities must indicate an equal amount of money for physical activities as for libraries, these can be shown by looking at how students interest in physical practice and how sport machines and equipment can make money for universities.

First, students are often interest in sport activities than going to library. For example, in my university, it is estimated that the numbers of students who used the gym room to practice daily is 250 students, while those who use the library to study is 50 students only, this example clearly show that student are more into physical activities instead of going to library, therefore university should allocate the same amount of money for sport activity to favor that huge number.

Second, university can gain satisfactory amount of money by renting the machines and equipment for non university members, For example, Asia Pacific University always rents their sports equipment for other universities student and individuals with very high price, these example shows that universities can make money with sport equipment and this will have an extremely benefit to the university as whole, thus, all university has to spend equally for spot activity and library and these money will defiantly retains back double.

To sum up, university student prefer to do physical practice than studying at library and also college can gain rewarding money by renting their sport properties, so university must allocate the equal amount of money for both physical activities and library, it is hope universities spends their money wisely and favor both side.
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