[TASK2] Please evaluate this essay thanks :)

[qowlaks]

In the past, buildings often reflected the culture of a society but today all modern buildings look alike and cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar.

What do you think is the reason for this, and is it a good think or a bad think?
 
:My answer:
 
We are living in global era. By developing technology, cultural exchanges have been promoted dramatically. Consequently, most architectural structures in the world are being made more and more similar. I would like to talk about the good and bad effects of this issue.

To begin with, speaking of the important meanings that buildings have in each country, for instance the climate, terrain, population, customs and even religion, people consider all these factors when creating structures and buildings so eventually the building that is created houses a lot of significance, value and meaning.
 
However, global world has affected architectural characters. As a result, people have started to take an interest in modern buildings. It is significantly valuable that people try to change their worse things to better things by introducing new technology or architectural style from other countries. But in the case of underdeveloped countries,maybe there would be the tendency to construct various building with characteristics and features from countries all over the world. But they eventually might be unaware that their own building features and architecture are gradually dying out. Furthermore, most of people focus on commerce, thus they make skyscrapers in areas which a great deal of people come to travel. In consequence, the high buildings which would not fit perfectly in the areas  would spoil the skyline.
 
In conclusion, i hold my view that people should have consideration about what factors make their countries architecture truly special and one of a kind , they should think of how to develop it by adding new factors such as modern aspects and aspects from other countries. Otherwise, their culture we see in their buildings today could fade out

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The second main paragraph is much longer than the first!

The main point in the second paragraph is very good, but poorly explained. For example, you mention commerce, then suddenly (in the same sentence!) switch to travel. Then you mention the skyline, but without explanation.

Vocabulary and grammar are quite good, but mistakes such as those above tend to bring the essay down.

Overall, I think you have the basis of a very good essay here, but you need to be much clearer.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

In the past, buildings often reflected the culture of a society but today all modern buildings look alike and cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar.

What do you think is the reason for this, and is it a good think or a bad think?
 
:My answer:
 
We are living in a global era. Due to developing technology, cultural exchanges have been promoted dramatically. Consequently, most architectural structures in the world are becoming more and more similar. This essay will discuss the good and bad effects of this issue.

To begin with, regarding the important meanings that buildings have in each country, for instance the climate, terrain, population, customs and even religion, people consider all these factors when creating structures and buildings, so eventually the building that is created houses a lot of significance, value and meaning.
 
However, today's world has affected architectural characters. As a result, people have started to take an interest in modern buildings. It is important that people try to improve things by introducing new technology or architectural style from other countries. But in the case of underdeveloped countries, maybe there is a tendency to construct various building with characteristics and features from countries all over the world. But this could mean that their own building features and architecture are gradually dying out. Furthermore, most people focus on commerce, thus they make skyscrapers in areas which a great deal of people come to travel. In consequence, the tall buildings which would not suit the area would spoil the skyline.
 
In conclusion, I believe that people should consider what factors make their country's architecture truly special and one of a kind. They should think of how to develop it by adding new factors such as modern aspects and aspects from other countries. Otherwise, the culture we see in their buildings today could fade out and be lost.