Please evaluate and rate my Essay3

[Ghost]

Topic:
Women are always better parents than men. How far ypu agree with this? Give your opinion in not less than 250 words.


Response:
Indubitably, parenting plays the salient role in shaping up a child's future. Apparently, since time immemorial, parents take exceptional care of their offspring to transform them into a gentleman. Although, whether the father or the mother acts as a better parent, have always sparked many debates. However, in my opinion, the mother's contribution towards the child's personal growth is very significant. This can be very easily proven by looking at the empathy taught and the ease of knowledge transfer by mothers.

Firstly, mothers are much more affectionate than their counterparts. Thus, the children who grow up on the supervision of their mother become more affectionate. For example, in accord to some researches done in America, there have been reports that children who spend most of their time with their mother are 70% more affectionate than the rest. These studies clearly illustrate why it is argued that a child learns empathy first hand while growing up with a woman. After considering this example, it is quite evident that women are superior parents compared to a man.

Secondly, as it is a very well-known fact that mothers spend more time with their children since their birth, thus, children are more inclined towards their mothers. This is the reason why mothers can teach their children very efficiently and effectively. Take a 5-year-old child who stayed with his mother for all these years, for example. It would be far easier for this child to grasp things taught by his mother contrary to the teaching from his father. The reason for this is the amount of time spend by the child with the mother. This example clearly indicates why a woman would prove to be a better parent than a man.

In conclusion, there are many advantages and disadvantages associated with both the class of parenting. However, the affection of mother and the ease of teaching makes her much more superior parent as compared to fathers.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Great question!

Indubitably? Are you going to the Victorian Empire English School?!

Overall, not a bad answer, but you haven't really looked at the role of the father.

The example in the second main paragraph is not clear. Simply reverse the positions and it doesn't prove that either men or women are better.

I don't think that this essay goes beyond a superficial examination of the situations and the research.

Grammar is very good but vocabulary is not used effectively to create an argument.

All the best,
David