Please assess my IELTS Task 2 Essay and also provide the score.

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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chaitanya.k
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Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 4:56 pm

Please assess my IELTS Task 2 Essay and also provide the score.

Post by chaitanya.k »

COMPUTER ARE BEING USED MORE AND MORE IN EDUCATION. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THIS IS A POSITIVE TREND, WHILE OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS LEADING TO NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES. DISCUSS BOTH SIDES OF THIS ARGUMENT AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.
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Nowadays, many schools welcome the idea that education can be better delivered with the help of computers. This can in the form of virtual classroom, online library, online assignment submission, additional course registration. Some believe that computers should be used predominately for education while others refute this. These points will be discussed in this order.

It is believed by some that, if computers are used extensively in the field of education, it will enable students to have a better understanding of their subjects. An example that supports this is Wikipedia, which is a rich source of information. An experiment conducted by Princeton University in Feb 2016, in which half of the students in a particular class were allowed to use the computer for education while the other half were completely restricted. The outcome of the study was, the group that was allowed to use computer proved that, if educational resources are available to the students with such ease, it will enable them to develop a better idea. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this point of view.

On the other hand, many argue that, if computers are used in the field of education, it will have a negative impact on the student. One of the examples is, these days we see many students who spend a lot of time on the computer. This results in, disconnection of the student from the real world. Also, spending a huge amount of time on the computer will lead to several medical problems as well. However, after analysing these two points of views, it is clear why many support this claim.

However, after analysing the above point of views, it is clear that the use of the computer in education should enable but, a restriction could be levied so that a students are not fully dependent on the computer for education. Thus, the argument that, computers should be used more and more for education cannot be supported and is expected to never be realised.

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David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: Please assess my IELTS Task 2 Essay and also provide the score.

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Overall, a mediocre essay. The main problem is that the ideas in the two main paragraphs do not connect very well. I accept the points, but you fail to explain how, if the students are using the computers to get better knowledge of the world (paragraph 1), this results in being disconnected from the world (paragraph 2).

The real problem here is poor expression, which basically means poor English! And that's obviously going to be a problem. You have to express yourself clearly. What EXACTLY do you mean? (A lot of time? A huge amount of time? If a student studies for 12 hours, why is there a sudden change from gaining knowledge to a disconnect with the world?)

The conclusion is unclear to me. What do you base this idea on? The fact is, that even now, some students depend on computers for most of their learning. It's not unreasonable to assume this trend will continue.

All the best,
David
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