Task 2 - Immigration - feedback much appreciated

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hokinhdat
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 2:05 pm

Task 2 - Immigration - feedback much appreciated

Post by hokinhdat »

Dear David,

I would really appreciate it if you could evaluate my response to the following question:

Some people today feel that their country should refrain from accepting large numbers of immigrants. However, others believe that taking in individuals from other countries is the right thing to do. What is your opinion on this issue?

I am aiming for an 8.0 in Writing, so I wonder if you think I'm getting there soon?
Thanks a lot in advance! :)

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My response:

Over the last few years, in light of globalisation there has been an upward trend in the number of people migrating to foreign lands in search of a better life. It is argued by some that their nation should put a stop to the practice of welcoming immigrants too enthusiastically, whereas others support the view that a country should have an open immigration policy. While there are certain benefits to accepting foreigners into one’s own land, I personally believe that a nation will thrive better when it restricts the influx of immigrants.

To begin with, a nation experiencing an enormous inflow of immigrants inadvertently puts its citizens under considerable pressure, which manifests in the form of stiffer competition in the job market, as well as a heavier burden on the country’s existing infrastructure. Take Singapore as an example. As a country that prides itself on having a skilled labor force, Singapore has continuously welcomed millions of migrant workers and expatriates from all over the world in the last two decades. This in turn has sparked huge public outcries over the escalating cost of living and more intense competition in the labor market. What is more, the public transportation system in Singapore has experienced a threefold increase in the number of incidents of train breakdowns due to passenger overload.

Another argument to support my view is that a country’s national security might be compromised if it is overzealous in welcoming newcomers. The recent growth in terrorist attacks across Europe is a prime example of this. In the last one year alone, there have been multiple terrorist strikes occurring in Paris and Berlin, the culprits of which are mainly refugees from Syria. These lamentable incidents undoubtedly have to do with an excessive inflow of refugees without stringent screening of their background. As a result, the host country and its citizens suffered the ramifications of its open immigration policy. Putting an end to such uncalled-for terrorism means tightening one’s border security.

However, some might argue that a country can benefit from welcoming foreigners in various ways. First, these newcomers will enrich the host country’s local food culture by introducing their own authentic cuisines. Moreover, the presence of multiculturalism within a society can translate into its residents displaying higher tolerance towards individual differences, which I believe make for a more livable society. That said, we cannot deny the fact that life quality of a nation’s citizens and its national security trump cultural diversity when it comes to national priorities.

In sum, despite all the good accruing from allowing immigrants into a country, I do hold a firm view that the threats stemming from such a practice far outweigh its benefits, given today’s increased competition for jobs and rising waves of terrorism. Thus, it is imperative that more stringent measures should be adopted to tighten national border.
Last edited by hokinhdat on Mon Feb 27, 2017 5:15 am, edited 2 times in total.
hokinhdat
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 2:05 pm

Re: Task 2 - Immigration (target band 8)

Post by hokinhdat »

Dear David,

I wonder if you could give me some feedback regarding my essay above?

Would greatly appreciate your time and help!

Best
Dat
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