please correct my essay, task 1

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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sami83
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2017 7:42 am

please correct my essay, task 1

Post by sami83 »

The table compares the number of cell phones that have been sold between 5 brands from 2006 to 20012.
Having looked at the table shows both Samsung and Apple experienced a dramatic upward trend during this six years. However the number of sales in Samsung was greater than Apple, beginning from 117 in 2006, reaching 396.5 million in 2012, about 2 times the number of Apple. Unlike two previous brands, Motorala had been a sharp downward trend, from a noticeable starting, 210 in 2006, to a terrible ending, 28 in 2012.
Ericcon and Nokia show a similar trend. Ericson after met a peak in 2007, 107 million, it fell back by 28 end of mentioned period. On the other hand Nokia that had the highest figures at the beginning of 2006, selling 335, passed some periodic fluctuations, reaching by 335 in 2012; that was still one of the best-selling brands at the end of period time.
To sum up, the first rank has been changed between Nokia and Samsung during this period. In contrast with Apple that rose highly Motorala experience an awful drop.
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David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: please correct my essay, task 1

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

You've picked out the trend for each brand, but there isn't clear organisation (just one main paragraph) and the summary is limited.

There is some strange use of vocabulary (noticeable starting, terrible). Grammar is not so good, with numerous errors, many of them basic.

Overall, not terrible, but this certainly needs a lot of work.

All the best,
David
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