IELTS Academic Writing 1 - Pleaaaase assess my writing

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
Jomana
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2017 10:33 am

IELTS Academic Writing 1 - Pleaaaase assess my writing

Post by Jomana » Mon May 15, 2017 6:52 am

The line graph demonstrates the amount of travellers at London Station throughout the day, from 6:00 to 22:00. It is immediately apparent the variation in the number of passengers during the time reaching the max of 400.

It is of note that the rush hours are in the early morning, 8:00 and the evening, 18:00. Peaple start their journey to the station at 6:00 of only 100 passengers even though this number spectacularly shoots up to reach a peak of 400 at 8:00 where most of employees start to jostle to reach their jobs on time similarly to what happens at 18:00 where most of them leave to home, and gradually with time, it steeply sink to a trough of just about 200 and 100 at 10:00 and 20:00 respectively.

It is clearly obvious that the rate of people remain rather constant in the afternoon, between 12:00 and 14:00 of 300 passengers, notwithunderstanding the substantial fall to a low of 100 at 16:00. Likewise, people are approximately of the same quantity from 20:00 _ 22:00 of 100 to just under 200.Image

Sent from my SM-N920C using Tapatalk


IELTS Academic Writing 1 - Pleaaaase assess my writing

Sponsor

Sponsor
 

David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1344
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: IELTS Academic Writing 1 - Pleaaaase assess my writing

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner » Wed May 17, 2017 4:27 am

Hello!

(Please post in the writing section next time.)

Make your summary clearer and use it to look at the overall trend rather than just one or two pieces of information.

Your description of the detail is good in terms of describing the line, but not so good in terms of grammar. Vocabulary is a little weak, with some words used incorrectly or inappropriately (e.g. max, jostle, steeply sink).

Overall, not bad, but could easily be improved to a good report.

All the best,
David

Jomana
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2017 10:33 am

Re: IELTS Academic Writing 1 - Pleaaaase assess my writing

Post by Jomana » Thu May 18, 2017 5:24 am

thank u

Sent from my SM-N920C using Tapatalk


Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests