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I would add one point for improvement
The length of second paragraph is shorter

I suggest you can bring tremendous improvements by just following up Ryan structure. Let me know if you need link of relevant videos.

Question: Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single . Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Answe...

1. There are minor issues with the structure. If you check Ryan guidelines on essays structure, you will improve a lot. For example, the conclusions paragraph should have few more lines. 2. You should not use Firstly, Secondly etc. This type of structure is used for the essays where we support one a...

Stay on the topic
Take a bit long pauses between sentences so that you can plan before you speak and avoid grammar mistakes.

The second and third part of the topic was not addressed properly.
5.5

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The basic problem is getting away from the topic.

I inferred that the recording does not exist anymore.

You need to have long pauses between sentences so that you can think before you speak. This tactics would improve your speaking

You try to speak very fast which is affecting your pronunciation.

Nothing posted.

As a first step of improvement, you need to follow Ryan structure of essay.

you recently went on a trip with a friend and you both took some photographs. write a letter to your friend. in your letter: ask your friend to send you on of the photographs, explain why you need that particular photograph; and tell your friend what happened to your copy of it. Dear Sarah, Hope yo...

You missed the flight.

Its off the topic.

Structure of essay is key. You can improve a lot if you spend few hours on structure taught by Ryan. Check his Youtube videos.

The second paragraph is shorter. The introductions paragraph need more clarity

Grammar need a lot of improvement

Please check Ryan guidelines for Essay writing. The essay need a lot of improvement.

Once you start following the Ryan structure, it will improve a lot. After memorizing structure, you need to work on sentence structure.

Sentence structures need to be improved. The essay has clear problem with colloquialism.
If its not clear, I can re-write the essay for your guidance.

Here are my comments. I can re-write the essay, if you ask.

1. Its a bit off the topic. Please think a bit about topic, scope ( write it on paper) and keywords before you start your sentence. Its always best to plan essay.

2. Coherence. Most of the sentence are not in flow.

Almost 5.5 band

Tarun, you are done with the toughest parts of the exams where you need assistance of others. The reading section need practice only which you can do yourself.

I suggest you to practice toughest questions only. Identify your weak areas.
You will get band 7 in exams only after you start achieving band 8 in your practices at home.

Try to re-write it again.

Come up with relevant example and equalize the paragraphs in length

Please point out 3-4 sentences that are out of topic. After it, I will guide you again for improvement in vocabulary and sentence structure.